Body Image, Emotional Wellbeing, exercise, Fitness, FOCUS, Passion, Self awareness, Self Confidence

Game of Bullshit -you don’t need motivation to exercise!

I get asked a lot – Where do I find the motviation to exercise?

Honestly – What motivation?

OLD PACK OF CARDS

I used to use exercise as a form of punishment; sometimes for 2 hours a day (1 hour in the morning & 1 hour at night – worst part…it was also how I dealt with stress). WE know that the medical world & science tell us that movement is vital to healthy body & a long life – yet it is not just about the movement – it is also about the what is going on in the mind……

The punishment wore many coats –

  • the food I ate to stuff down my emotions
  • the emotions I was to afraid to feel
  • the self talk and blame about mistakes I made at work or results I didn’t get – (code for the old belief – i am not good enough)
  • I was using the number on the scale as my reward

I will stop there….

The thing is – I call BULLSHIT – we all spend so much time trying to use ‘motivation’ to get results -yet if motivation really was the key & it worked – we would just do it! but because we don’t trust ourselves to do what is REALLY important & so we keep comparing ourselves to everyone else, we forget what really matters…Do you want to lose moments comparing apples to oranges – when they are both gorgeous, colourful, juicy & yummy just as they are???

WHEN was the last time you asked yourself – WHAT DO I WANT?

NEW PACK OF CARDS

The thing that I have learnt is that when you trust in yourself & you are inspired by how you feel and what you want – with no comparsion to ANYONE ELSE or their body or their shape or height – you remember that YOUR BODY is your body – it is designed differently to everyone else – and NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO – your results will always be your results – do the work….movement….exercise…the excuses stop & you start to be honest with what it is that you really want!

YOU don’t need more motivation – what you need is inspiration – and it starts with you asking – What do I want?

Where do you get it? 

Well it is different for everyone – for me – I generate myself to exercise & I use others to inspire me to exercise but the best part of cutting through the BULLSHIT is NOW I inspire me.

Feeling good on my morning jog!

MY TIPS

  1. Set goals that FEEL GOOD! THIS is your life – your body  – do what feels good – walk for 20mins 3 times per week….build yourself up at YOUR PACE! My goal is to move everyday – and my min is now movement -5 times per week
  2. Do what you want! (you will LOVE IT MORE!) I used to flog myself doing so many different things – now I do what I enjoy – jogging/yoga/hot pilates/boxing/kettlebells/HIIT & bellydancing once and a while 😉
  3. Chart your movement – I have a calender with stars/congratulations stickers which I log each time I do movement including the NIKE app for my jogging….love seeing how much movement I am doing 🙂
  4. Accountability – I love that I can log my mojo movement with someone – even if she is not with me – I know she has my back -Thanks Danni! Check her out at http://pricelesspt.com/
  5. GIVE yourself time – change it up and make it work for you! Motivation is what it is and is different for us all – for me – I know that I need to generate myself each day – like just a power station that generates and sends out power to the city each day – it comes from within the power plant….it comes from trusting you.

So trust yourself – do what feels good  – this is what worked for me and I continue to review it and change it up! 20mins of movement each day is not just good for your body – it is good for your mind & it reflects from the inside-out.

And now – I am off for my jog 🙂

Body Love, Emotional Wellbeing, Life style, Passion, Self awareness, Self Confidence, Transformation

Isn’t it time to say FUCK IT I AM WORTH MORE!?!

Last week I shared on my private page the following post and the breakthrough I had doing the work with some incredible women who I have had the pleasure of seeing transform!

I realised that it was time for me to rise up – and how much has changed AND what else I need to do to keep moving forward to continue to speak up to ensure that Self Love, Body Confidence and Self Acceptance is present in us all. 

Would love to hear your thoughts below x Thank you again for your continued support 🙂

Hehehe I love how comfortable and confident I feel theses days….corporate wear or my NYPD hoodie…it is a small thing to some…but when you have spent most of your adult life uncomfortable in your skin….comparing yourself to everyone. …feeling like you don’t belong or not good enough…this is a whole new experience for me.

Being comfortable in my own skin, no matter what!
Being comfortable in my own skin, no matter what!

My transformation over the last 2 yrs has taken time, multiple breakdowns, breakthroughs & questions. I have learnt that the more I speak up about Self Love, Body Confidence and Acceptance…..if MY doing this, I inspire 1 person to make a change for their life….for themselves…then it is worth it sharing, being vulnerable and rising up to a new level.

So I plan do so…to continue to do so as much as I can to inspire change of how we as women view ourselves. I want you to be able to look in the mirror and love and accept the beautiful woman looking back at you!

Isn’t it time to say FUCK IT I AM WORTH MORE!?!

Through the power of social media, my blog, soon to be released website, coaching and meditations (even a seminar?) I want to shift the focus of how we think about ourselves so that we can create the space in our lives to live it to the fullest…..we deserve that….you deserve that.

On the weekend, I broke a board with my bare hand and I made a promise to stop holding myself back and make a bigger impact in the world…to rise up for women to have the freedom for Self Worth, Self Love and Acceptance.

I want to continue being the best version of me…even when things are tough, it is not easy but I realised that it makes me want to continue to thrive…..to make a difference in how we value ourselves and who we are in this world.

So if my constant posting of positive and inspirational pictures, memos and learnings makes you uncomfortable or upset…great I am glad because I have given you something to think about…..plus if you really don’t like it then unfriend me…because I plan to be posting a hell of a lot more…here and at Fabulousness Unleashed!

Otherwise please come with me…help me in making an impact for more women to feel comfortable and confident in who they are…it is time to rise up above the bullshit stories we have been told, fed and tell ourselves.

It’s time to unleash yourself to the world…..are you ready? X

The freedom of being comfortable in my own skin is an amazing feeling!
The freedom of being comfortable in my own skin is an amazing feeling!
Body Image, Celebrate, Fitness, Health, Love, Mojo, Passion, Self Confidence, Self Love

It’s time to celebrate our 1st Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday Dear Blog! Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday Blog!

I can’t believe that it has been a year since I started putting my journey into words and sharing it with you all! Wow! What a ride it has been!!!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because if it wasn’t for you (yes, you!) reading this; allowing my words to inspire you into action; this day may never have come.

I have been blown away by all of you – each and every one of you – from all over the world who have taken the time to read this!! From as close as Tasmania across the ocean to Hong Kong to Russia; to Turkey the UK to the USA to New Zealand to Bali to Singapore to Denmark and Italy (just to name a few) – each and every single one of you, has continued to read each post, sign up for notifications and share your thoughts with me – Thank you!

Your support, comments, questions and encouragement to continue to share my journey, has inspired me!

 So a few reflections, from the past 12 months:

  • It’s ok that I don’t know it all – Evolution is part of life and I love learning and will continue to share it with you all – I don’t know all the answers and never will – that is the fun part – I love researching and will always aim to ensure that I do my best to answer any questions you may have x
  • Play MORE! Do something you love – that makes you smile – don’t wait until one day – how about this weekend? What is that one thing that you can do, that you haven’t done yet – Mmmm standup padding boarding? Or Tell that person that you have a crush on them? Or go to a theme park? Or Enter that standup comedy competition? Possibilities are endless!
  • Balance is your friend – Say NO to the things you don’t want to do – yes people may get upset or be disappointed but you need to give yourself time too – rest – slow down – sleep in…..
  • No one has the right to treat you badly and that includes you – So STOP IT! Stop punishing yourself; verbally; physically and mentally. Be gentle today – say to yourself – Great job! Or You are beautiful!
  • Forgive – Forgive – Forgive – it doesn’t mean that you excuse the behaviour or what happened or what was said – it is time to move on and protect yourself – peace and forgiveness are wonderful gifts.
  • Brave! If you don’t take the leap and step up now – no one else will do it for you.
  • Your body is a temple and the only one you have – so stop abusing it and start loving it!
  • Be willing to take care of you first – than others – it is NOT selfish it is essential! 

To continue the celebration in style as I can’t share birthday cake with, I wanted to share instead some of the photos from my recent shoot! YES – they have finally arrived and I am so so so excited by them!!

Next step in my website!

(Massive thank you to everyone at The PhotoStudio in Glebe Sydney – they are incredible – I felt like a star! So check out their website for more details; http://thephotostudio.com.au/) as I hope it inspires you to do something extra special like this for yourself soon too. (ps. I love that when I am 90, I will look back and say – Damn you were hot!!)

Final note – Thank you once more – I am so blessed to have had this opportunity and I can’t wait to continue our journey together into the 2nd year of Fabulousness Unleashed, the next big leap – it’s been one hell of a ride so far!

This 2nd year…..I am determined it is going to ROCK! Keep an eye out for the next post….

Can’t wait to see you all there! Love Little Miss Fabulousness  xxx

      18718MCG_Selina McGarrigle 18718MCG_Selina McGarrigle 18718MCG_Selina McGarrigle 18718MCG_Selina McGarrigle 18718MCG_Selina McGarrigle 18718MCG_Selina McGarrigle 18718MCG_Selina McGarrigle 18718MCG_Selina McGarrigle

Body Image, Choice, Determination, FOCUS, Happiness, Health, Life style, Mental Health, Passion, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

red_riding_hood_1_by_costurero_real-d3abg62

I don’t know about you…….but I can’t stand it when people tell me not to panic!

Really – the last word you hear is ‘panic’ and telling me not to do something – well the rebel in me is going to want to do it because you said not too!

When we Panic – we don’t make rationale or logical decisions…… Panic is an emotional response – flight or fight.

Right now – the fight in me has gone…. and I just want to fly – because you know what…it looks like heaps more fun!

A beautiful Soul Sister said to me the other night – “It is Ok to want to run to your destination as long as it is you running towards your desire and not away from what you don’t want to deal with”. 

Sometimes you know you are on the right path; yet in the very pit of your stomach; you realise that you can’t be everything to everyone and I am choosing not to stay this way to please others. And has I have said many times before; If you aren’t comfortable or like who I am then that is OK too – you can leave at anytime – the door is to your right….just don’t block the traffic.

Lessons from Fairy Tales….

In the past we had Fairy Tales or Fables,  to help us learn how to guide our morale compass. The Big Bad Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood – don’t talk to strangers……(or was he misunderstood over the years and was craving acceptance to be loved for who he was…??) .

How about Little Red Riding Hood; could the Wolf have been her spirit….her internal dialogue? When she wanted to hide from the world…or maybe run free….she turned into the Wolf……????

Everyone has their story and it depends at the time of your exposure to it – how you relate to it.

Recently; I saw the adaption of Maleficent; the Evil Witch in Sleeping Beauty – this version showed that she was misunderstood – a broken heart; a burnt soul; wings of self expression destroyed – it takes a lot to heal that and yes – it was her reaction to the betrayal that created her new persona – yet she also realised that she could control her response – change her reaction and heal……she also, through the learning from another;  was able to uncover what love really meant for her.

So you realise too that; in all of theses stories – power is not evil – you can be calm and feel powerfully grounded – even if you are wrong; you can acknowledge this – grow from it.  Then we learn that when you push against your soul connection and force it to be something it is not -or to look a certain way or to be a certain way that doesn’t align with you; that is when you are turning against your inner desires and things stop working.

So my point is – I was afraid for a long time; I was afraid of the “Wolf”/”Maleficent” in me – and then I wasn’t…. – because the Big Bad Wolf was just misunderstood……the emotions and the reactions I was having – were misunderstood.

mindofadiva

Recent realisation…………a BIG HOLY SHIT MOMENT!

Look lets cut through the Bullshit – I know most of us have something that we don’t like about ourselves – I am not sure when it started or why it happens…..or what you don’t like….I personally think everyone is beautiful because there is no one else like you!

I know some people; they think they have a crooked smile; or they don’t like their nose or they feel that their eyes are too small… And even though we may get upset about our imperfections, they don’t interfere with our daily lives.

However in all of my transformational journey, the learning’s and experience about my feelings around my body; it wasn’t just about my self worth or imperfections that I saw…..It was recently pointed out to me that there is a disorder that for some people their real or perceived flaws consumed them for hours each day and prevent them from living………and HOLY SHIT – I realised that this had been me…..

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

According to the Better Health website (Victoria government): it can be defined as-http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Body_dysmorphic_disorder_(BDD)?open

“Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental illness in which people constantly worry about the way they look. They may believe an inconspicuous or non-existent physical attribute is a serious defect. Consequently, they may stay at home or keep their appearance hidden. Treatment includes cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) and antidepressant drugs.”

I had been so ashamed of myself – my body – some days I was at a loss of what to do……hence further information advised of……

  • Can’t control their negative thoughts and don’t believe people who tell them that they look fine.
  • Their thoughts may cause severe emotional distress and interfere with their daily functioning.
  • They may miss work or school, avoid social situations and isolate themselves, even from family and friends, because they fear others will notice their flaws.
  • They may even undergo unnecessary plastic surgeries to correct perceived imperfections, never finding satisfaction with the results.

For years; in my head – (I felt like I had the Big Bad Wolf inside of me at times) – there were times that for days on end; I would isolate myself because of my ‘flaws’; and when people said you are beautiful – for me – they were lying; my negative thoughts were out of control and yes surgery did enter my head – I wanted to completely change the defected body I thought I had.

You see the thing is; no one talks about this – not one Doctor when I told them of my thoughts and feelings – the downward spiral; acknowledged that this disorder even existed – I was just depressed/fat/lazy- (Please note; that depression is a part of it; so please seek out support).

It is only recently that I have discovered what this is all about and how occurs for some on a very extreme level.

 

I was also told that “Eating disorders are just more extreme versions of the exact same issues that we all have with eating. Technically everyone who struggled with their weight has disordered eating in some form or another.” 

If you would like read more about what is being done; check out the link below from the USA:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/ways-spot-body-dysmorphic-disorder/story?id=2502703

Acknowledging the Big Bad Wolf; she was misunderstood……

I am so grateful for this new knowledge and the incredible opportunity to not only heal myself through new techniques; I know it is not an easy process and for others the journey has been and will be very different.

I have been able to create a shift in beliefs; my values and with daily habits of self-love – to move forward….I am no longer afraid of the Big Bad Wolf – she is pretty cool – she walks beside me now; instead of in my head – AND now; the more I learn; the more I can help others through their journey of self realisation.

Look – some of you will disagree;  and some won’t know what to say – all I know is that issues like Eating Disorders/Depression are not something that people talk about – it is almost like we are afraid….afraid that we won’t know the ‘right thing to say” or “what to do” – but you know what – the biggest gift in my shifting out of the fear and into the flight – to SOAR in my life – was someone asking me – “isn’t it time for you??”;  they listened; acknowledged and then showing me the tools so that I could take 100% responsibility for myself and my life – it wasn’t easy – but now; as I continue to learn; evolve and gain more knowledge – there is no looking back!!!

Ps. Including……a photo shoot!! and I can’t wait to share them with you!! Some will be for my website and others will just be for me 🙂

New Chapter….

As some of you may have read; recently it was announced on my Facebook Page of my exciting news and the amazing opportunity that my journey has taken me on!!

I am now working as a Client Service Manager for My Mind Coach…… http://mymindcoach.com.au/welcoming-selina/!!!! Now I get to serve others to help get them where they want to go in life; so that they can love themselves and shine brighter than ever!  Just as the incredible Kylie did for me 18 months ago 🙂

Words can’t express how my life has changed and the overflow of gratitude that I have for her support and encouragement to take a leap and soar!

Watch this space!!!!

Choice, Happiness, Passion, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

Are you holding back the year

Welcome to a New YEAR!

New Opportunities!

New Adventures!

New era! WOW! Can you believe it is 2014 already!?????

Yes – I said era! And No, I wouldn’t have believed that 12 months ago that you can create a new era in your life every year……because it is just another year, right? I know some of you are over the New Year Resolution Movement already and it is only week 3…well I don’t make resolutions any more – I create projects – structured ideas – an evolution of opportunity!

Only this time, what is the difference you ask? I have no doubt about my ability to make it all happen! Because I no longer am concerned with holding back……(yes and right now you are all singing “Simply Red” holding back the years…… 🙂 )

Ok – first things, first!

Reflect…………..

A little bit of trivia – apparently it is THE X-Files 20th anniversary this year….I remember this being one of my favourite shows to watch as a teenager…(I wasn’t allowed to watch much TV – however I could sneak this in on a Wednesday night 😉 )..I remember being captured by the thought and the intrigue….

What is really possible? Is there life outside of this planet? Does science really explained everything?? Is the FBI that twisted & filled with conspiracy theories? How amazing would it be to live and work in another country and see how the world operates for them? What is it that is so exciting about the idea of living in another country?

Not much has changed really in the way of my viewing – however …..now I love to watch Once Upon a Time – because finally someone has answered what happens when the fairy tale story comes to an end and it says “THE END”! LOL! They go on living! And I love that they go on living with passion; with honour; with adventure and with love.

Come on….everyone has something that they love to get lost in – it is how we still use our imagination as adults…right?

When did you stop imagining the impossible? 

Each year is an opportunity to explore; live; love; laugh and take on the world with everything you have! The excitement of the unknown; and the known; the options; choices; places; people……I get goosebumps just thinking about it!!!!

Then I think of the crazy ideas…..or previous conversations with people…..like…….Have you ever been to New York? Do you want to go to New York and have a Starbucks coffee in Central Park – wouldn’t it be a great place to people watch? (i did this by the way 🙂 )

Nah….we can now have a Starbucks coffee anywhere now – that is nothing exciting – you can even have Starbucks in Peru!!!

Well do you want to go to Peru and see where Paddington Bear comes from? Nah….I just read the story or google the pictures.

Ok; how about going to the Pyramids in Egypt and experiencing first hand the magnificence awe of the structures and the history of the people??? or ride a donkey into the Valley of the Kings at sunrise – feel the sun warm your skin? Nah; I can just watch a documentary on TV.

 Well do you want to write a story? Be a famous published author!? Share your thoughts with the world!  Nah…..everyone has written everything already.

MMmmmmmmmm do we see a pattern here?

As I look around and watch people at the start of a new year; a blessing that we all have to enjoy & how lucky we are to have so many different opportunities and choices, however it would seem that we have forgotten what it is like to experience the ‘real thing’; experience for ourselves first hand the sounds; taste; sight with OUR BODIES! with OUR HEARTS! with OUR SENSES!

holding on

As I reflected; thanked & welcomed in this amazing, exciting, BEST YEAR YET!! – with a close friend; – (I know it will be because that is how I am creating it) we enjoyed talking and getting excited about what is going to happen. 🙂 It felt good!

However on the days that followed and the more I spoke with people; the more I reflected on this, as I realised that it doesn’t feel like people are really living any more…..they just seem to be ‘existing’ – holding on tight – to what I don’t know – holding on to the past – holding to the dream of something better – holding on to the resentment or pain or joyful memories for fear that they won’t have anymore??? It feels like we are holding on so tight that we don’t know how to let go that which doesn’t serve us anymore?

Whether it is FEAR or SADNESS or ANGRY – something is gripping us so tight….It is like we have forgotten what it is like to let go  – to spin yourself around and around and around in circles til you’re so dizzy you fall over with the giggles and lay on the grass and feel like the world is trying to catch up with you!!! 🙂

We don’t know how to let go anymore – we seem to have forgotten that there is magic in the world because we have become so weighed down in “baggage”, that our promises to ourselves to live a life filled with joy; love; laughter; excitement; energy; peace & passion – seems ‘unrealistic’.

Moving forward……

I am no expert – this is just my observations – I just get this feeling that this is the year – is the year to stop holding back – the year to stop holding on to the past – the pain – the sadness – the what’ if’s or should have’s.

Aren’t you tired of always being tired? Of wondering what is missing?

I know I was and I realised that for the first time in a long time as this year came into being – I am not afraid of letting go anymore; because it is easier to jump from indecision city platform onto a moving train that is going forward, when you have both hands free!

You’ve got this!

My challenge to you is – make no promises that don’t feel real  – make no promises that don’t give you goosebumps – start small and  go from there – don’t do what I did last year – don’t put your life on-hold waiting for the next thing – and then cram 12 months of the year into 6 months! GO OUT THERE & TRY!

You’ve got this!

My challenge to you is – find something that gets you excited! That makes you feel like everything is possible!

You’ve got this!

My challenge to you is – find something that makes you smile – the kind of smile that hurts your cheeks! That way others will smile too when they see you smile! 🙂 Go see a kid’s movie once a month….

You’ve got this!

My challenge to you is – love yourself just as you are; right now – don’t waste another second! STOP worry about what other people think of you – it is really none of your business 🙂

You’ve got this!

My challenge to you is – take some time out and look deep into your heart and your memories and forgive – forgive once and for all.

You’ve got this!

My challenge to you is – find the magic again in the world – let your imagination run wild – what is the one thing that you have always wanted to do?????????? What if this year was the year you did it? How would it feel when you look back at the photo of yourself in that destination with all of your senses alive with the experience; because you were there?

You’ve got this!

My challenge to you is – GET OUT THERE AND LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! Be the example to those around you!

You’ve got this!

I can’t wait to see what you do!!!!!!!!!!

Walt-Disney-Wall-Quote

Choice, FOCUS, Happiness, Mojo, Passion, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

What happens when you can’t shift gears..you hit the wall of course………….which slaps you with will I ever be enough?

 Dear PAST….meet the present – smack…you hit the wall….yes…..this is me stuck….banging my head against the wall…so not pretty…

So for days I have been tossing up whether or not to post this one…not a great head space at present, despite just having 10 days away….however I realised that sharing my journey with you all….it is not always going to be sparkles; rainbows and glasses of wine….it is tough at times to break through….me kicking my own butt (not pretty….and very unflattering…not lady like at all)…however if by sharing this in the now moment, helps you to get out of your own space quicker then it is worth it 🙂

So……the past is always there…you can’t change it….you can’t hide from it….although, you can pack it away in a box; yet somehow that box, always manages to open at the most inconvenient time…however I have learnt you can change your response to it..the past that is..not the box; it’s just a box 🙂

As mentioned previously, to stop living in the past….we need to acknowledge it and move on; right? Move forward….forgive…..step up….get over it…..grow wings and fly!!!! It’s your time to soar….it is your time to shine….blah…blah….blah……yet the other morning I woke up and felt like I had hit the wall or the wall hit me…..either way, my entire body ached all over…it hurt to breathe….every part of me was in a space of confusion…disappointment….rejection…..anger………I kept trying to shift the gears…..get up…..get dressed…..I listened to my morning meditation MP3……not even reverse gear was going to get me out of bed and I just kept getting more and more frustrated, pissed off and if one more little positive mantra came into my head…look out!!!!!!! oh and just shut the “F” up!! (told you it wasn’t pretty; excuse my french)

Now this is not normal for me….Remember nice girls don’t get angry and they don’t let the old habits kick back in….they smash it….they push through it…..nahhhh that wasn’t happening today……

THE PAUSE BUTTON…..time to press

So how do you shift gears, when all it feels like you keep doing, is hitting the wall?….shifting gears or even finding reverse for that matter….part of me could do it in my sleep; the other part of me says listen to your body…… I am exhausted and just need to put the brakes on…..because the ‘little voice” in my head is saying…….“Does it matter what I do or where I go or how I live my life or how much I love myself” (because it has been the key so far)….will there ever be anyone who will love and accept me….. just for me? In the famous words of Mr Darcy……”just as she is”.

Then the guilt kicks in…I don’t have any right to think like this – this is not a serious issue of the world….be grateful that you are alive! But then I know…..I know that today, is just going to be a day, when shifting gears…moving…being fabulous…isn’t going to happen.

What the hell is going on in my head????? I don’t know……nothing was working…..

LOVE 

Self love – is something that I value and cherish so much more now then ever before; yet this week…..no matter the process….the jog…..the adventure of the past 10 days…the people….the places…I had this feeling of empty….I had run out of fuel….there was no love…..no feeling…no nothing….love had packed it’s suitcase and taking a one way flight out of here! and you know what…I don’t blame it. 

I had been surrounded by love in so many forms over the last few months/years; I felt so blessed however waking up this particular morning…of all mornings….it felt like during the night some nasty little demon creature from some fairytale land came and took my mojo; my self love; my belief that someone out there is looking for me.

So the question…..will I ever be enough for him to find me?

PROCESSING the gear shift….

A wise friend has a saying……“The world has enough of you, now this is your time”……So for the first time ever…..I gave my self permission to do nothing….(WTF…I know a few of you are saying!!!)….well….actually…..I rolled over and went back to sleep (I had the day off work – thank god!)…..I turned my phone on to silent….and slept….

then I woke again, I jumped on Facebook……then fell asleep again…..

Then….I woke up….then I slept…..because you know what….exhaustion….not listening to my body……not standing up for me…..not giving myself time to dream; to just be and enjoy the world around me….I got lost…..I fell over….I was tired….I felt stuck….I was having an off day; no analyzing….just an off day…….pure & simple. 

AND you know what….for the first time ever….I gave myself permission….that it was ok….that IT IS ok…..I don’t have to be everything to everyone all the time. I have admitted before that I am a perfectionist ..we know this….good lord if you knew how many times I write and re-write my blog posts before I publish them…. you would think I have OCD! 

So I slept….because in my exhaustion; I was unreasonable…..because that burning question of “Will I ever be enough for someone?”…my past – slammed straight smack into my present. Why? Because I have been avoiding it……because up until now I didn’t love me so how could anyone else? 

I felt guilt.

I notice while I was away, that as women, we have this inbuilt button for guilt…..we feel guilty for even mentioning that we take time out or that I need a break or switching our phones to silent or choosing to step away from tradition or even be quirky…or live with someone and not get married or have only 1 child or want to have a child-free day or that we want a partner to share our life with…..there is almost a silent judgement or perhaps it is an envy that another woman can say it and we can’t?

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I know we want it all and we can have it all, however the balance is so vital. Then if someone does something for us we feel guilty….and guilt can be and look like anything. I felt guilty for having an “off” day…..but you know what……so what!! Is it worth the headache???

WHAT IS NEXT….

So what is next…why was I not enough….why was I feeling like no one would ever chose me….I know what I want in a partner…I am more clear now then ever before…so why hasn’t he found me yet??? I am almost 34…when is it my turn….I felt so guilty for looking at all of the families and couples around me, watching them create their lives each day…with love…laughter..warmth….acceptance….wanting to share my life with someone; they all have someone and I don’t. I felt so guilty for even thinking it, that I had pushed it so far down into myself that my body’s response was aching pain.

I have read it a thousand times….be the right partner…live life; enjoy it and the rest will fall into place…..and I finally get it 🙂

So for that day….my “off” day….I needed a release….I recognised that I needed something…..hehehehheeh and I then realised that the “old pattern” in me, would of reached for the food….the ice cream….(for some of you, it will be a glass of wine or beer) to stop the question….the emotion. Today the reality of my shifting gears was went from no action/reaction…to ACTION.time for a Personal Training Session!

1st Action – sleep….rejuvenate!

2nd Action – movement – reverse or forward – side to side – whatever….just move. 

You know what….so what…I hit the wall….it hurt….I have always had choice in my life…I just was so afraid that I didn’t know where to start. By the time I went to bed that night (midnight I was able switch my brain off!) I had a choice – I have a choice – I can climb over that bloody wall or smash through it; either way…..

DON”T STAND THERE GIVING YOURSELF A HEADACHE…..it’s not worth it.

Instead RELEASE the guilt…it takes up way too much valuable space.

Ps. I had a massage and a facial last night……no guilt 🙂

Pss. I have a date in a few days time – action….movement forward- excitement 🙂

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Choice, Determination, FOCUS, Happiness, Life style, Mojo, Passion, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation, Wonder Woman

Question Time…..are you a PP or an SP?

THE PAST

Are you like me? Do you find yourself agreeing with others to just make them happy? Do you keep your opinion to yourself as you don’t want to rock the boat? Have you been being, what you think others want you to be; instead of who you really are? Or is it more about when you begin to evolve and be more confident, people don’t know what to do in response and continually try to dismiss your way of thinking…so best you just keep quiet?
So then it begs the question….Are you a People Pleaser?
I don’t know about you; this little lady can trace her People-Pleasing behaviour all the way back to her childhood….from a little girl to a teenager to a young woman…not just personal life; even in my working career (bullying for example)….I wanted to make sure everyone was happy in some form or another. I was so concerned about them that for some unknown reason, I would take on the entire responsibility because as I discovered in the last few years, deep down the little girl in me was so worried that if I didn’t agree with you or fix you or make things better that you wouldn’t like me….because you would discover that I was otherwise boring and had nothing to offer…….

THE PROCESS….how to find the balance???????

Again just for a moment (because lets not get caught up in the story)….let us go back to the self doubt talking and justification being  “I can’t have the life I want….it is not possible…if the past keeps telling the story…why would now be any different?”

When you realise that you have been doing things one way for so long it is a bit of a shock to realise what a jerk you have been and who the hell thinks like this???
Well me…..I did….I did thought like this for years and it is only now that I am comfortable with pleasing me, do I realise how often I did this….with inner turmoil…only to discover that what I did actually had a name….and that People Pleasing Syndrome really exists!
I acknowledge that considering the needs of others; being generous and a willingness to help, are admirable traits however when you have low self esteem, this is something that you do for others with ease as you feel guilty and selfish when you choose to do something/anything for yourself. You believe that you are not important enough & with the high standard of perfection running the process for yourself…wow…it is so hard to not do & say what you can to ensure everyone is happy all the time ….so this is nothing new for those of us who realise we are people pleasers…..it is however a destructive way to operate your life; from within yourself and to external relationships with others.  Plus here is a little secret……(come closer) if I focused on making everyone else happy I didn’t have to acknowledge that my own life didn’t work……there you go….another ouch. Again not all of you will have this experience, this is just how it was for me 😦 not pretty……..
However when you decide to shift into a new plane of existence….people are shocked and some even rebel against you; however I ask you to take a close look at those in your life who have your best interest at heart and those who don’t? as the ones that don’t, operate in ‘drama cycle’ and those that do have learnt to be self pleasers and make the balance work.
I can tell you right now; it is exhausting pleasing everyone all the time! It is actually not possible and you are wasting your valuable energy on this trait….and serving no one nor being helpful to you or others….no wonder I was tired and grumpy all the time (pretending I was fine remember 😉 ). From my transformational work this year, I started listening to my body and hence I started listening to the world around me again….something I haven’t done in years. Actually the last time I did this was when I shifted my comfort zone and move to a foreign country…..there you meet people who out of no where want to do things for you for no reason & that’s ok….. and you find that like minded people are attracted into your life more than ever before because you have a different way of being; your radar is on a different wave length and your friends become your family & they encourage you to put yourself first – what a novel idea – for me, these people hold a special place in my heart and continue to love me even with oceans between and I guess this post will shock a few of them…..because I fell back into old patterns…I recognise this now…hence this post.
Time to dance to the music instead of just listening & when you find yourself in the cycle……just stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!! STOP IT!!! 
If I have learnt anything over the last few years of my life; (let me tell you that I have only just started putting it in to practice; so I am no expert!) that if people have the time to focus on you; your life and what you are doing or aren’t doing according to them including what is wrong with your life in their eyes, that is their story; their time & energy….it is easier for them to focus on you then deal with themselves….and hey….why are you so worried about what they think? THIS IS YOUR LIFE; live it the way you desire…..keep trying things until you find what works for you, your value and worth isn’t dependant on others opinions; yet we still place so much value in it as a society.
Oh and one of my favourite songs to listen too, so that I remind myself that it is ok to be me……is the song by Vanessa Amorosi – “This is who I am” – you know the chorus………..
“Well it’s alright to be myself
now I’ve learnt to stand
well it’s ok to be just who I am
I spent years really hating me
longing to be friends, now I hope that you can understand
This is who I am”
NEXT STEP….
So the question to myself at the time of the move and to you now is this……What is it costing you….by denying yourself what you really want – the balance between the pleasing self and others is possible…there is no cure or magic wand for this one either my friends….I am not the first person to write about this and I won’t be the last….however the more we remind each other that we are important as individuals and what we contribute to the world and that it is ok to take time out for yourself; we can improve the balance.
So whether that balance for you will start with a pamper session;  a coffee by yourself in a café just watching the world go by; 30 minutes alone time anywhere for that matter….a bath….a run or a session with a life coach/psychologist/or write a letter to express what you need so you can see it for yourself.
For me…what I say yes to now with no explanation or hesitation to say no to others so that I can have this ……. is solo time; a coffee by the water…on my own 🙂 pure bliss…oh & no guilt!!!

So my next lesson to add;

1.   Compassion for self

2.   Connection with self

3.   Confidence to be self

4.   Forgive self and others

5.   Gratitude with appreciation
6.   Learn to say No and Yes when it works for you
The next few bricks have been laid in my yellow brick road….and funnily enough, when I stopped pleasing others all the time and starting pleasing myself….new bricks just appeared in the road for which I am grateful for 🙂  
So again I say….it is a beautiful thing considering the needs of others; being generous and a willingness to help, as I said that are all admirable traits & something I admire in myself and others however the balance is crucial……so what are you going to do about it…..are you going to stay a PP or move upwards towards the light to being an SP? or are you going to stay on the fence??????
I can tell you, it is much more bright & loads more fun on the flip side 😉
Love Oprah :)
Love Oprah 🙂

This is my little mantra –

Sexy is not a size; every Calorie is not a war; your Body is not a battleground & your Value is not measured by kgs!

“I am beautiful and worthy just as I am; because I am.