Body Image, Choice, Determination, FOCUS, Happiness, Health, Life style, Mental Health, Passion, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?


I don’t know about you…….but I can’t stand it when people tell me not to panic!

Really – the last word you hear is ‘panic’ and telling me not to do something – well the rebel in me is going to want to do it because you said not too!

When we Panic – we don’t make rationale or logical decisions…… Panic is an emotional response – flight or fight.

Right now – the fight in me has gone…. and I just want to fly – because you know what…it looks like heaps more fun!

A beautiful Soul Sister said to me the other night – “It is Ok to want to run to your destination as long as it is you running towards your desire and not away from what you don’t want to deal with”. 

Sometimes you know you are on the right path; yet in the very pit of your stomach; you realise that you can’t be everything to everyone and I am choosing not to stay this way to please others. And has I have said many times before; If you aren’t comfortable or like who I am then that is OK too – you can leave at anytime – the door is to your right….just don’t block the traffic.

Lessons from Fairy Tales….

In the past we had Fairy Tales or Fables,  to help us learn how to guide our morale compass. The Big Bad Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood – don’t talk to strangers……(or was he misunderstood over the years and was craving acceptance to be loved for who he was…??) .

How about Little Red Riding Hood; could the Wolf have been her spirit….her internal dialogue? When she wanted to hide from the world…or maybe run free….she turned into the Wolf……????

Everyone has their story and it depends at the time of your exposure to it – how you relate to it.

Recently; I saw the adaption of Maleficent; the Evil Witch in Sleeping Beauty – this version showed that she was misunderstood – a broken heart; a burnt soul; wings of self expression destroyed – it takes a lot to heal that and yes – it was her reaction to the betrayal that created her new persona – yet she also realised that she could control her response – change her reaction and heal……she also, through the learning from another;  was able to uncover what love really meant for her.

So you realise too that; in all of theses stories – power is not evil – you can be calm and feel powerfully grounded – even if you are wrong; you can acknowledge this – grow from it.  Then we learn that when you push against your soul connection and force it to be something it is not -or to look a certain way or to be a certain way that doesn’t align with you; that is when you are turning against your inner desires and things stop working.

So my point is – I was afraid for a long time; I was afraid of the “Wolf”/”Maleficent” in me – and then I wasn’t…. – because the Big Bad Wolf was just misunderstood……the emotions and the reactions I was having – were misunderstood.


Recent realisation…………a BIG HOLY SHIT MOMENT!

Look lets cut through the Bullshit – I know most of us have something that we don’t like about ourselves – I am not sure when it started or why it happens…..or what you don’t like….I personally think everyone is beautiful because there is no one else like you!

I know some people; they think they have a crooked smile; or they don’t like their nose or they feel that their eyes are too small… And even though we may get upset about our imperfections, they don’t interfere with our daily lives.

However in all of my transformational journey, the learning’s and experience about my feelings around my body; it wasn’t just about my self worth or imperfections that I saw…..It was recently pointed out to me that there is a disorder that for some people their real or perceived flaws consumed them for hours each day and prevent them from living………and HOLY SHIT – I realised that this had been me…..

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

According to the Better Health website (Victoria government): it can be defined as-

“Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental illness in which people constantly worry about the way they look. They may believe an inconspicuous or non-existent physical attribute is a serious defect. Consequently, they may stay at home or keep their appearance hidden. Treatment includes cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) and antidepressant drugs.”

I had been so ashamed of myself – my body – some days I was at a loss of what to do……hence further information advised of……

  • Can’t control their negative thoughts and don’t believe people who tell them that they look fine.
  • Their thoughts may cause severe emotional distress and interfere with their daily functioning.
  • They may miss work or school, avoid social situations and isolate themselves, even from family and friends, because they fear others will notice their flaws.
  • They may even undergo unnecessary plastic surgeries to correct perceived imperfections, never finding satisfaction with the results.

For years; in my head – (I felt like I had the Big Bad Wolf inside of me at times) – there were times that for days on end; I would isolate myself because of my ‘flaws’; and when people said you are beautiful – for me – they were lying; my negative thoughts were out of control and yes surgery did enter my head – I wanted to completely change the defected body I thought I had.

You see the thing is; no one talks about this – not one Doctor when I told them of my thoughts and feelings – the downward spiral; acknowledged that this disorder even existed – I was just depressed/fat/lazy- (Please note; that depression is a part of it; so please seek out support).

It is only recently that I have discovered what this is all about and how occurs for some on a very extreme level.


I was also told that “Eating disorders are just more extreme versions of the exact same issues that we all have with eating. Technically everyone who struggled with their weight has disordered eating in some form or another.” 

If you would like read more about what is being done; check out the link below from the USA:

Acknowledging the Big Bad Wolf; she was misunderstood……

I am so grateful for this new knowledge and the incredible opportunity to not only heal myself through new techniques; I know it is not an easy process and for others the journey has been and will be very different.

I have been able to create a shift in beliefs; my values and with daily habits of self-love – to move forward….I am no longer afraid of the Big Bad Wolf – she is pretty cool – she walks beside me now; instead of in my head – AND now; the more I learn; the more I can help others through their journey of self realisation.

Look – some of you will disagree;  and some won’t know what to say – all I know is that issues like Eating Disorders/Depression are not something that people talk about – it is almost like we are afraid….afraid that we won’t know the ‘right thing to say” or “what to do” – but you know what – the biggest gift in my shifting out of the fear and into the flight – to SOAR in my life – was someone asking me – “isn’t it time for you??”;  they listened; acknowledged and then showing me the tools so that I could take 100% responsibility for myself and my life – it wasn’t easy – but now; as I continue to learn; evolve and gain more knowledge – there is no looking back!!!

Ps. Including……a photo shoot!! and I can’t wait to share them with you!! Some will be for my website and others will just be for me 🙂

New Chapter….

As some of you may have read; recently it was announced on my Facebook Page of my exciting news and the amazing opportunity that my journey has taken me on!!

I am now working as a Client Service Manager for My Mind Coach……!!!! Now I get to serve others to help get them where they want to go in life; so that they can love themselves and shine brighter than ever!  Just as the incredible Kylie did for me 18 months ago 🙂

Words can’t express how my life has changed and the overflow of gratitude that I have for her support and encouragement to take a leap and soar!

Watch this space!!!!

Choice, Happiness, Life style, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

What does happiness mean for you?

It is a beautiful thing…the emotion; the feeling; the thought; the idea of happy 🙂

But what does it really mean??

We are taught that happiness is the answer to everything….afterall…didn’t most of our stories in our childhood, end with……”and they lived happily ever after”?

The word describes an emotion; a way in which we are told how to feel…but is being happy like any other emotion; or is it just a word?

What does happiness mean to you???

For some; they will tell you for is unattainable….

For others; they will tell you that for them….it is easy to achieve…

For you -the list could be endless… exciting!!!!!!!!!!!

For me…..I have learnt that it is many things…..yet the question I have been asking of late is….when did we decide that we knew what happiness was to another and when did we allow others to tell us how to be happy?


For me; there are a number of things that make me smile and generate the feeling of happiness within me……

I can’t list them all; but tonight was reminded that it is Ok for to have an ‘off day’ and it is Ok to acknowledge that I want to live an extraordinary life and feel ravishing….

So here are a few little things that light me up…..that generate what I like to call, “the happy bug” in me ……and after reading them… invitation to you is to take some time at the start of this new month….and look into yourself and acknowledge how far you have come, what you are up too in this life, what happiness is to you and if it is not there as much as you would like…..go have some fun & discover a way to bring the happy bug back into your life – your way – your rules.

Little things that generate the happy bug in me;

  • Waking up in the morning……………..
  • Sunsets from a mountain top
  • Dancing – in the kitchen while cooking………..slow dancing with my partner in the living room……..dancing til sunrise with my girlfriends………..dancing with a baby while singing them to sleep
  • Sitting by the river in the sun…..
  • A great brunch location with friends
  • Donating my time and energy to a good cause
  • Giving away things to people who need them more than me
  • Having people at my dinner table
  • Music – listening……… and singing in the car with the window down!
  • Buying new clothes for the first time in ages….with no guilt!
  • Hearing Laughter – and laughing so hard that you cry
  • Hugs – HUGS -HUGS! (esp from my mum!)
  • Having cuddles with my puppy Sooty…right up until she passed away at the age of 19yrs old – ( yes…thinking of her makes me feeling happy and yes i miss the cuddles still)
  • The smell of fresh mint
  • Seeing an elderly couple holding hands as they walk along the beach
  • The ocean at sunrise -watching the world wake up and feeling like the luckiest person alive
  • The ocean at sunset – wrapped up in a blanket
  • Waking up early only to realise that I can sleep in 🙂
  • Seeing love in others
  • Receiving gratitude from someone for your help whether it is telling them that they have landed their dream role or if by a coaching session I gave them a while back; they have seen the difference in themselves…..
  • A new born baby smell
  • Watching a classic film – like Casablanca on a Sunday afternoon
  • Being love
  • Receiving a massage and a facial!
  • Giving love
  • A good book with a blanket and a cup of tea on my favourite chair while it is raining outside
  • Cooking for people I love
  • Reading a story to a child
  • Buying fresh flowers and filling the house with them
  • Wandering through an antique store…..wondering about the stories of each item…
  • Being in airport…..
  • Getting so lost in the book that you lose track of time…..
  • A great tasting coffee – in Italy – France – New York – New Zealand – Melbourne……..
  • Sharing an “ahh moment ‘ with a friend
  • Being with my person and not saying a word
  • Beating my personal best in a run or lifting weights
  • Waking up in the middle of the night and feeling my lovers arms around me….spooning me.
  • Discovering a new place and meeting new people…
  • Having my hair stroked….
  • Looking in the mirror and realising that I love who I have become
  • Watching people say “I do”
  • A blank canvas
  • When someone makes you a cup of tea; and you just had the thought; “I could so do with a cup of tea”
  • Doing something for someone and watching the gratitude spread across their face….
  • Surprising someone with flowers
  • Being surprised
  • Someone offering you support without you asking
  • Falling in love
  • Letting go….



Body Image, Choice, Determination, Fitness, FOCUS, Happiness, Health, Life style, Love, Self Confidence, Self Love

Failure – Good, Bad or Indifferent?

Have you ever noticed that if you mention the word FAILURE most people cringe at the thought

then quickly avoid it & move on to another topic……

If it makes you uncomfortable then I suggest you stop reading – MMmmmm NO stop – keep reading – it might just be what you need….

Failure comes in all shapes and sizes!

It is part of the experience of living and what becomes part of your make-up/foundation of who you are or who you chose to become. For some of us the failure goes way back to our childhood – it is “failing” a subject at primary school; or coming 2nd instead of 1st in the cross country or no one ever picking you as their valentine.  In the grown up world, as an adult that  can translates into “failing” at a relationship; or “failing” to meet your weekly targets at work or “failing” the expectations of others – it is there – the lesson again & again, in failure – and how we are not good enough because of specific measurement in the world.

I know we have spoken about this before,however for me now, it is how we react to it that changes the meaning of it – failure can be your advantage to the world!

Hear me out……………………. 

During a personal training session this week, I attempted something completely new in my training – a weighted back squat – 10 reps per round, going up in 5-10kgs stints however I stopped at 45kgs – the reason no higher…….was that on the final 10th squat I went down in the squat and didn’t return – I just stayed there………… I froze.

It wasn’t that I was fatigued – I can leg press 200kgs for god sake!

It was there at that point, I felt like I was “failing” because all of a sudden I couldn’t imagine myself going up one last time, I felt like I couldn’t get the message from my head to my legs to push up….one last time! And I froze….I just stopped…..

In life – as in fitness sometimes it is that one last time that has everything change.


My Personal Trainer is a phenomenal woman! I have never met anyone like her – In the past, I have had a couple of trainers but never for this long and never someone who got the journey I have been on and where I want to go 🙂

She continues to encourage me every week – even when I don’t have anything left and the dreaded words “I can’t, Paula” come out of my mouth (believe me they do!) she has my back – she gets me to go one last time/one last round – believing in me, believing that I can do it…. and surprise….guess what…I do!

She is teaching me things to build my confidence in areas I didn’t even know existed in fitness training – I always thought it was ‘energy in = energy out” do a class or 2 and the body will just change. Now that I know half of the journey is in the mind set – I am now learning new ways in the physical realm and training has never been so much fun!

She has my back – she is there to catch the weights or to pick me up when I am so completely done that I can’t put one leg in front of the other – She is there to high five me when I go beyond the ‘limits’ I think I have….she believes in me and at times I find it overwhelming.

So – back to the freeze in the squat – She said something to me in that moment of the freeze in my squat – (forgive me Paula, I can’t remember the precise words I know we have talked about it – however this is the message I have taken away with me – so thank you)

“In fitness, as in life – you have to let yourself fail so that you can build a new level of confidence to come back up fighting stronger; more confident then when you went down and that’s all that was – you lost your confidence.

I am here; I know you can do it – you just have to trust in yourself that you can – you are not only building fitness you are building confidence”.

As an adult, I have spent so much time hiding my failures; (although I realise now that my unhealthy way of living both in mind and body was telling the world that I didn’t trust myself and the failure to love my body is evident in that) – I was running away because as a child – failure was always there for me; it was the norm.

I wasn’t smart enough; or fast enough – I was always the last one left when they picked out sport teams; because no one wanted me on their team – most of the time I was ‘allocated”. I was never a straight A student – I could never mentor someone because I struggled to do the basics.

As a child, we moved interstate – so, not only did I suddenly have other people in own age that believed in me ( & loved me big time – and still do -my beautiful cousins – Ness, Rach & Jess – thank you ladies), I also had a teacher who came along & for the first time in my memory (because this is all occurring in the mind of an 8 year old) who believed in me – even as an 8 year old girl – my self talk was so negative – it was even written on my report card – “Selina can be often heard saying I can’t do this or I am no good at this”.

You see, when we moved states from one school system to another – I had to re-learn years 1-4 all over again because I only knew the basics – because I was slow in my learning, (please note – that my dyslexia didn’t get diagnosed until I was in my 1st year at University at the age of 18) and due to large classroom sizes in Sydney, no one had the time to help or explain things in a different way to me, so I was left behind and I failed. When we moved to Queensland I was held back so that I could re-learn (and I did in the space of about 6 months) so that I could go to year 5 and this was because of my teacher who saw something in me; he saw that I was eager to learn and like any child; responded to positive re-enforcement and that I had to have things taught to me slightly different to gasp the understanding – and I did.

So my “AHHH” moment this week;

Even though I am letting go of the ‘perfectionism” (it is a tough one Erica but I am getting there)- I didn’t believe in my confidence level in my training because of the failure of the past – what is going to make this any different? I can see the changes in my head; my body isn’t showing them. Time to take it to the next level – my body is used to this way of ‘learning’. Hence why my PT is so amazing! She saw this before I did!

Here are my words to you:

“A moment of confidence is defined by an action from yourself. No one else. When you have shown that you believe in yourself, that you are worth it, all of a sudden you realise that you were never alone; someone has always had your back; you just had to trust that even if it wasn’t the person you first thought it might be”.

My training is something that I love – I love it! And I miss it when I don’t do it and it is also about balance – sleeping; eating; loving; training.

The lessons I learn in my training, I see everyday, the impact and the results in my life – in my work – in my words.

This blog is my ability to inspire – inspire and mentor – this is something that I am great at because if I can give you something that you haven’t had before and it changes a thought or an action and your life tingles with excitement or improves in a way that you have been striving for because I made myself vulnerable to you – then YES! I love failure – good, bad or indifferent 🙂

I love giving you my experiences; my knowledge; my lessons; my mistakes; my tears and my successes!

I am not perfect – I have my melt downs; I have my clarity. I miss being held by someone who loves and accepts me; I love hugs and having my living room filled with gorgeous women laughing and sharing their stories. It is life – and I am so grateful – even when I fail.

So Paula – thank you – I can’t wait for the next session!!!!! (although in today’s circuit instead of training with a 12kg weight jacket – I added 4 more kgs – 16kgs in total….and when I couldn’t do anymore – Paula was there – she had my back – pushing me through the point of where i would have failed in the past – push ups on my toes with an extra 16kgs….done!) I will keep you posted 🙂 

I will leave you today with a request,  as always I am keen to hear  what you think – write your comments below to this question –

What has failure looked like to you & how have you turned it around?

Thank you again for your support on this journey; I am deeply humbled 🙂

In the words of another amazing woman I admire…..


Ps. My next entry is about my final few weeks on the lead up to my 12-month anniversary of this journey and a few final keys that I need to find and turn…..oh and in April – a new exciting project that is due to start before I go to my course in Bali!

Watch this space!

Body Image, Choice, Determination, Fitness, FOCUS, Happiness, Health, Life style, Love, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

Alignment of Desire – I GOT IT! I have a Beautiful Mind – I have a Beautiful Body – I have a Beautiful LIFE!

This week has been a massive turning point – heart, head, body!

As you know I felt stuck – in a holding pattern frustrated and uninspired because nothing felt like it was moving forward! I had put everything in place and was clear on what I wanted however it felt like my request had gotten lost 😦

How can I inspire others if I feel like I can’t inspire myself?

And I figured it out – it all came down to promises unfulfilled.

Promises from others & Promises to myself.

Because I was not focused on my purpose – I was focused on the outcome. 


Time to create a new truth  – oh & by the way – blockages have become a blessing in disguise!

My new truth is – it is okay not to be perfect – the more I have, the more I can give – with education/learning, there is action – as long as my action is generated by the feelings that give me the most clarity.

Clarity comes from aligning my values with my intentions and writing out a plan of action/doing – not just focusing on the outcome.

Here is a glimpse of my Values – which I am learning to review and adjust as I more forward – this is just the first 6;

  1. Luscious Love & Connection
  2. Zestful energizing health with a powerhouse level of fitness
  3. Luxurious Abundant Wealth
  4. Creative Knowledge with Focused Passion
  5. Fun & Fame with Appreciation, Adventure, Relaxation and Celebration
  6. Self Expression & Contribution with Balance and Inspiration

Yes – I admit it – I want my life to be one of Love, Connection, Passion; Laughter and Success! I have never wanted to admit that before because I was worried what people would think – OK my perfectionism was worried – now I am excited to share and express all of this, because it is what as helped to generate the emotions/feelings to move me from ‘being stuck’ to ‘soaring to new heights’.

Yes – I admit it – I am still working on the clearer more specific details – I am not afraid of them now – I am not afraid that the promises to myself will be broken – because NOW I am checking in with my purpose – listening to my heart/my body/my mentors who are teaching me so much and bringing out the best in me – because what I see in them -they see in me 🙂

Yes – I admit that my goals/projects/plans in relation to my health – still has the kgs in it – At times I don’t remember what I looked like at a certain weight that was healthy – however I am very happy that it is no longer the only measure of my success – yes – i used to think that the measure of my self worth/success was what the number said. There are many pieces to the puzzle of my health – I want my health to be one of vitality for life – not just about a challenge or a dress or way to look. Now it is about my strength in my mind and my body – it doesn’t have to be one or the other – it can be both. The difference is now, this time, the goal is not the end product – it is living everyday and enjoying the feeling of being healthy/being active/being clear/being connected/feeling beautiful/living everyday with the intention of love  – in my mind, in my heart and in my body – so that I can lead by example.

Today’s breakthrough – I trained in our Sunday Circuit Session, without my ankle strap for the 1st time since I injured it in early November 2013!!

Alignment Action – 

I had, what I call – an hour of power on the phone, with one of my mentor’s – to align my head & my heart with my intention/my purpose – from this, I was able to create a new file – a new perspective – to bring it all together – and I realised that I had selfishly been so lost in the lack of what I thought I didn’t or couldn’t bring to others – that I didn’t see the beauty of what I do bring.

So not only this week did I shift my OWN POWER & MIND but once I did – I was INSPIRED by an  extraordinary blessing of the words of Natalie Patterson & her poem “I have a beautiful body” which brought me to tears. This stunning woman glows from the inside – out – with her courage; her passion; her self expression – is breath-taking.

However upon further reading and research – she has her own blog and more words that have since moved me – hence below I have shared her words in a link for the poem – “I dare you” –

My favourite line – “Get out, you naked girl with cellulite” said no one ever… so get over it”

That line hit me hard – another AHHH moment! So get over it – I then went to a day spa/bath-house & walked around in my swimmers – without covering up my legs which is what i would normally do – because I am beautiful – regardless of what the media says is beautiful.

So taking everything on from this week’s AHH moments –

  • I felt inspired!
  • I felt blessed!
  • I felt valued!
  • I felt powerful!
  • I felt aligned!
  • I felt alive!

Why? Because when you align your values; intention; passion & purpose – it works.

If I can do this, then so can you!

So taking my life/your life to the next level has arrived !

I never thought it could have and yet, it has arrived in the most unusual way – I would never, ever, have imagined where I am today 🙂

I am so grateful that I am here at the start of a new chapter; I am so grateful that you are with me too – so thank you 🙂

So I will leave you today, with this little message –


Choice, Determination, Happiness, Life style, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

What do trust and self esteem have in common?

Trust me, it isn’t a trick question…..someone once told me that people who are more secure in themselves, are most trusting of others. 

Mmmm really…????How do you become more trusting of others, when you have forgotten how to trust yourself.

Which brings me back to the question – What do trust and self esteem have in common…..?????

Give up?

They are both common factors in successful relationships 🙂 ahhh you say… all relationships, I hear you ask? Yes – in all relationships; from romantic to business to friendship to self.

Pause……my little voice kicks in – what about the relationship with yourself Little Miss Fabulousness?

**(Please note; that this blog has been saved as a draft for a while now; so perfect timing for this week 🙂 ) 

And she is right…..because I had been living a lie for so long; little did I realise how much I had stopped trusting myself and how I had kept missing the subtle hints from the universe/my intuition -that then it decided to deliver a message this week, about my lack of trust in myself, which would cause a chain reaction of events – both physical and emotional!


Trust your gut

Or as known by some – women’s intuition – a wonderful thing; been around for thousands of years……for example, I recall from a high school history lesson, that Egyptian Goddess Cleopatra apparently used her virtues of intellect and intuition to gain access to power 🙂

However it would appear that we (Ok, I) have been ignoring it for so long that we (I) have forgotten what it sounds like! I know I did, I recognise that now with little subtle reminders too 😉

This journey has not been easy over the last 11 months and I never assumed it would be – when you have been lying to yourself for so long and when you change who you are for someone else; the truth hurts. Some answers frustrated me because I couldn’t see them right away; others slapped me so hard that I fell down (which in boxing this week; my ankle gave way and I landed pretty heavily on a mental rode from the boxing squares I had been jumping in & out of….consequence, I moved 2 bones in my ankle…..) – what has this got to do with it? Well the realisation that with a situation from my past; even though I had processed certain parts; the one that my “gut”; my “intuition” keep telling me to deal with – was anger. The anger relating to, another relationship that I had given everything I had; didn’t work… again?!!!?????

Which begs the trust question again….however how do I trust myself to deal with it effectively when I have been too concerned about the receptiveness of others if I do get angry or upset or that I am not what they really want and they chose to walk away?

Let’s be honest………….

As some of you know (or others may not as this may be your first read of my blog) last week an interview that I did was released and it surprised some people; because I had kept so much close to my heart, because of the situation at the time, I didn’t trust that I could say what I was going through and have people still there on the other side of it. The interview was raw; real; unscripted and showed my vulnerable side…….big time!

Scary hun!!??? Well for me; no apologies; it was really about time 🙂

So I want you to get, that it isn’t the anger or people’s reaction that I am afraid of….the truth of the matter is, I have put so much trust in people and had it been shattered so many times recently; that I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Then you start finding other ways to “trust” again; falling into old patterns; however it is all false and still falls apart no matter how hard you try to make i work; because you can’t have one without the other.

Then I started to see around me in people and even little ‘freebie tips & tricks”, that women who get what they want in life, know what their intuition is telling them and that if they pay attention and not just hope for the opportunity,they get out there and grab it – they trust themselves to do it & the results speak for themselves.

My ‘gut’, my little voice and I, are so excited by the realisation that my trust has increase in some areas; but then overwhelmingly frustrated that the other areas are still a work in progress…… So what are you going to do about it?” I hear you ask? Well, my yellow brick road and I are working together, side by side, brick by brick; piece by piece to build up my self trust even higher; oh and even with an injured ankle….upper body and core work is still on the agenda aka it is just a plot twist 😉

3 lane highway/3 lane yellow brick road

I have been reminded of the previous lesson learnt this week, that it is difficult to walk away from relationships (whether they be business/romantic/friendship); especially because of the time and energy we put into them in the first place to create them; then there is the disappointment in others; their actions or lack of. In the dating world, I have learnt that it is easy for some to just disappear and pretend you never existed in the first place or others who follow through and say thanks for your time; ” however I find you intimidating” 🙂 (Ps. Not all dating processes work for you just because it worked for someone else either – another lesson learnt)

Next lesson – when someone disappoints you; try to imagine them as a child – perhaps confused & insecure? – it won’t change the fact however it will have you see them in another light – perhaps allow more space for you to move past the disappointment & acknowledge your own disappointment that maybe you should have walked away sooner or that you need to stop placing so much value in others opinions of you (please note; your inner child might be jumping up and down right now with agreement because they are feeling insecure or confused; some nurturing may be in order too 😉 )

I have learnt that if you are not getting what you need; stop apologising for walking away; HOPE is not an option – it doesn’t seal the deal at the end of the day; and that is what my ‘gut’ has been trying to tell me….so yes, I need to improve on my listening skills too as well as my boxing foot work 🙂

The last 11 months, I have identified where I am vulnerable; and need to pay more attention to “my intuition” around the choices/decisions, including the facts that I am presented with along side my own research; so that I can make the best informed choice in relation to that situation as it stands; because that is all you can do.

Oh and I am going to continue to take the time to think over a choice/decision – people can wait! Even if it is one of my worst traits…..over analyzing everything according to an ex – however I love listening to my ‘intuition’ again and feel so much more alive and confident that trusting myself saves time too 🙂

So yes; common factors of trust & self esteem are evident in successful relationships within my life – business; friendship and self.

Plus I am clear about what kind of relationship I have with myself now more than ever & I love it! And I am going to keep going out there and getting what I want! Because I deserve it and I am having a blast 🙂

Ps. Oh and while all of this is going on, the one that is coming in the form of my life partner; the charismatic man that he is; his relationship with himself will rock, so my ‘gut’ tells me 😉


Choice, FOCUS, Happiness, Mojo, Passion, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

What happens when you can’t shift hit the wall of course………….which slaps you with will I ever be enough?

 Dear PAST….meet the present – smack…you hit the wall….yes…..this is me stuck….banging my head against the wall…so not pretty…

So for days I have been tossing up whether or not to post this one…not a great head space at present, despite just having 10 days away….however I realised that sharing my journey with you all….it is not always going to be sparkles; rainbows and glasses of wine….it is tough at times to break through….me kicking my own butt (not pretty….and very unflattering…not lady like at all)…however if by sharing this in the now moment, helps you to get out of your own space quicker then it is worth it 🙂

So……the past is always there…you can’t change it….you can’t hide from it….although, you can pack it away in a box; yet somehow that box, always manages to open at the most inconvenient time…however I have learnt you can change your response to it..the past that is..not the box; it’s just a box 🙂

As mentioned previously, to stop living in the past….we need to acknowledge it and move on; right? Move forward….forgive…..step up….get over it…..grow wings and fly!!!! It’s your time to soar….it is your time to shine….blah…blah….blah……yet the other morning I woke up and felt like I had hit the wall or the wall hit me…..either way, my entire body ached all over…it hurt to breathe….every part of me was in a space of confusion…disappointment….rejection…..anger………I kept trying to shift the gears…..get up…..get dressed…..I listened to my morning meditation MP3……not even reverse gear was going to get me out of bed and I just kept getting more and more frustrated, pissed off and if one more little positive mantra came into my head…look out!!!!!!! oh and just shut the “F” up!! (told you it wasn’t pretty; excuse my french)

Now this is not normal for me….Remember nice girls don’t get angry and they don’t let the old habits kick back in….they smash it….they push through it…..nahhhh that wasn’t happening today……

THE PAUSE BUTTON…..time to press

So how do you shift gears, when all it feels like you keep doing, is hitting the wall?….shifting gears or even finding reverse for that matter….part of me could do it in my sleep; the other part of me says listen to your body…… I am exhausted and just need to put the brakes on…..because the ‘little voice” in my head is saying…….“Does it matter what I do or where I go or how I live my life or how much I love myself” (because it has been the key so far)….will there ever be anyone who will love and accept me….. just for me? In the famous words of Mr Darcy……”just as she is”.

Then the guilt kicks in…I don’t have any right to think like this – this is not a serious issue of the world….be grateful that you are alive! But then I know…..I know that today, is just going to be a day, when shifting gears…moving…being fabulous…isn’t going to happen.

What the hell is going on in my head????? I don’t know……nothing was working…..


Self love – is something that I value and cherish so much more now then ever before; yet this week… matter the process….the jog…..the adventure of the past 10 days…the people….the places…I had this feeling of empty….I had run out of fuel….there was no love… feeling…no nothing….love had packed it’s suitcase and taking a one way flight out of here! and you know what…I don’t blame it. 

I had been surrounded by love in so many forms over the last few months/years; I felt so blessed however waking up this particular morning…of all mornings….it felt like during the night some nasty little demon creature from some fairytale land came and took my mojo; my self love; my belief that someone out there is looking for me.

So the question…..will I ever be enough for him to find me?

PROCESSING the gear shift….

A wise friend has a saying……“The world has enough of you, now this is your time”……So for the first time ever…..I gave my self permission to do nothing….(WTF…I know a few of you are saying!!!)….well….actually…..I rolled over and went back to sleep (I had the day off work – thank god!)…..I turned my phone on to silent….and slept….

then I woke again, I jumped on Facebook……then fell asleep again…..

Then….I woke up….then I slept…..because you know what….exhaustion….not listening to my body……not standing up for me…..not giving myself time to dream; to just be and enjoy the world around me….I got lost…..I fell over….I was tired….I felt stuck….I was having an off day; no analyzing….just an off day…….pure & simple. 

AND you know what….for the first time ever….I gave myself permission….that it was ok….that IT IS ok…..I don’t have to be everything to everyone all the time. I have admitted before that I am a perfectionist ..we know this….good lord if you knew how many times I write and re-write my blog posts before I publish them…. you would think I have OCD! 

So I slept….because in my exhaustion; I was unreasonable…..because that burning question of “Will I ever be enough for someone?”…my past – slammed straight smack into my present. Why? Because I have been avoiding it……because up until now I didn’t love me so how could anyone else? 

I felt guilt.

I notice while I was away, that as women, we have this inbuilt button for guilt…..we feel guilty for even mentioning that we take time out or that I need a break or switching our phones to silent or choosing to step away from tradition or even be quirky…or live with someone and not get married or have only 1 child or want to have a child-free day or that we want a partner to share our life with…..there is almost a silent judgement or perhaps it is an envy that another woman can say it and we can’t?


I know we want it all and we can have it all, however the balance is so vital. Then if someone does something for us we feel guilty….and guilt can be and look like anything. I felt guilty for having an “off” day…..but you know what……so what!! Is it worth the headache???


So what is next…why was I not enough….why was I feeling like no one would ever chose me….I know what I want in a partner…I am more clear now then ever before…so why hasn’t he found me yet??? I am almost 34…when is it my turn….I felt so guilty for looking at all of the families and couples around me, watching them create their lives each day…with love…laughter..warmth….acceptance….wanting to share my life with someone; they all have someone and I don’t. I felt so guilty for even thinking it, that I had pushed it so far down into myself that my body’s response was aching pain.

I have read it a thousand times….be the right partner…live life; enjoy it and the rest will fall into place…..and I finally get it 🙂

So for that day….my “off” day….I needed a release….I recognised that I needed something…..hehehehheeh and I then realised that the “old pattern” in me, would of reached for the food….the ice cream….(for some of you, it will be a glass of wine or beer) to stop the question….the emotion. Today the reality of my shifting gears was went from no action/reaction…to ACTION.time for a Personal Training Session!

1st Action – sleep….rejuvenate!

2nd Action – movement – reverse or forward – side to side – whatever….just move. 

You know what….so what…I hit the wall….it hurt….I have always had choice in my life…I just was so afraid that I didn’t know where to start. By the time I went to bed that night (midnight I was able switch my brain off!) I had a choice – I have a choice – I can climb over that bloody wall or smash through it; either way…..


Instead RELEASE the guilt…it takes up way too much valuable space.

Ps. I had a massage and a facial last night……no guilt 🙂

Pss. I have a date in a few days time – action….movement forward- excitement 🙂


Choice, Determination, FOCUS, Happiness, Life style, Mojo, Passion, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation, Wonder Woman

Question Time…..are you a PP or an SP?


Are you like me? Do you find yourself agreeing with others to just make them happy? Do you keep your opinion to yourself as you don’t want to rock the boat? Have you been being, what you think others want you to be; instead of who you really are? Or is it more about when you begin to evolve and be more confident, people don’t know what to do in response and continually try to dismiss your way of thinking…so best you just keep quiet?
So then it begs the question….Are you a People Pleaser?
I don’t know about you; this little lady can trace her People-Pleasing behaviour all the way back to her childhood….from a little girl to a teenager to a young woman…not just personal life; even in my working career (bullying for example)….I wanted to make sure everyone was happy in some form or another. I was so concerned about them that for some unknown reason, I would take on the entire responsibility because as I discovered in the last few years, deep down the little girl in me was so worried that if I didn’t agree with you or fix you or make things better that you wouldn’t like me….because you would discover that I was otherwise boring and had nothing to offer…….

THE PROCESS….how to find the balance???????

Again just for a moment (because lets not get caught up in the story)….let us go back to the self doubt talking and justification being  “I can’t have the life I want….it is not possible…if the past keeps telling the story…why would now be any different?”

When you realise that you have been doing things one way for so long it is a bit of a shock to realise what a jerk you have been and who the hell thinks like this???
Well me…..I did….I did thought like this for years and it is only now that I am comfortable with pleasing me, do I realise how often I did this….with inner turmoil…only to discover that what I did actually had a name….and that People Pleasing Syndrome really exists!
I acknowledge that considering the needs of others; being generous and a willingness to help, are admirable traits however when you have low self esteem, this is something that you do for others with ease as you feel guilty and selfish when you choose to do something/anything for yourself. You believe that you are not important enough & with the high standard of perfection running the process for yourself…wow…it is so hard to not do & say what you can to ensure everyone is happy all the time ….so this is nothing new for those of us who realise we are people pleasers… is however a destructive way to operate your life; from within yourself and to external relationships with others.  Plus here is a little secret……(come closer) if I focused on making everyone else happy I didn’t have to acknowledge that my own life didn’t work……there you go….another ouch. Again not all of you will have this experience, this is just how it was for me 😦 not pretty……..
However when you decide to shift into a new plane of existence….people are shocked and some even rebel against you; however I ask you to take a close look at those in your life who have your best interest at heart and those who don’t? as the ones that don’t, operate in ‘drama cycle’ and those that do have learnt to be self pleasers and make the balance work.
I can tell you right now; it is exhausting pleasing everyone all the time! It is actually not possible and you are wasting your valuable energy on this trait….and serving no one nor being helpful to you or others….no wonder I was tired and grumpy all the time (pretending I was fine remember 😉 ). From my transformational work this year, I started listening to my body and hence I started listening to the world around me again….something I haven’t done in years. Actually the last time I did this was when I shifted my comfort zone and move to a foreign country…..there you meet people who out of no where want to do things for you for no reason & that’s ok….. and you find that like minded people are attracted into your life more than ever before because you have a different way of being; your radar is on a different wave length and your friends become your family & they encourage you to put yourself first – what a novel idea – for me, these people hold a special place in my heart and continue to love me even with oceans between and I guess this post will shock a few of them…..because I fell back into old patterns…I recognise this now…hence this post.
Time to dance to the music instead of just listening & when you find yourself in the cycle……just stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!! STOP IT!!! 
If I have learnt anything over the last few years of my life; (let me tell you that I have only just started putting it in to practice; so I am no expert!) that if people have the time to focus on you; your life and what you are doing or aren’t doing according to them including what is wrong with your life in their eyes, that is their story; their time & energy….it is easier for them to focus on you then deal with themselves….and hey….why are you so worried about what they think? THIS IS YOUR LIFE; live it the way you desire…..keep trying things until you find what works for you, your value and worth isn’t dependant on others opinions; yet we still place so much value in it as a society.
Oh and one of my favourite songs to listen too, so that I remind myself that it is ok to be me……is the song by Vanessa Amorosi – “This is who I am” – you know the chorus………..
“Well it’s alright to be myself
now I’ve learnt to stand
well it’s ok to be just who I am
I spent years really hating me
longing to be friends, now I hope that you can understand
This is who I am”
So the question to myself at the time of the move and to you now is this……What is it costing you….by denying yourself what you really want – the balance between the pleasing self and others is possible…there is no cure or magic wand for this one either my friends….I am not the first person to write about this and I won’t be the last….however the more we remind each other that we are important as individuals and what we contribute to the world and that it is ok to take time out for yourself; we can improve the balance.
So whether that balance for you will start with a pamper session;  a coffee by yourself in a café just watching the world go by; 30 minutes alone time anywhere for that matter….a bath….a run or a session with a life coach/psychologist/or write a letter to express what you need so you can see it for yourself.
For me…what I say yes to now with no explanation or hesitation to say no to others so that I can have this ……. is solo time; a coffee by the water…on my own 🙂 pure bliss…oh & no guilt!!!

So my next lesson to add;

1.   Compassion for self

2.   Connection with self

3.   Confidence to be self

4.   Forgive self and others

5.   Gratitude with appreciation
6.   Learn to say No and Yes when it works for you
The next few bricks have been laid in my yellow brick road….and funnily enough, when I stopped pleasing others all the time and starting pleasing myself….new bricks just appeared in the road for which I am grateful for 🙂  
So again I say….it is a beautiful thing considering the needs of others; being generous and a willingness to help, as I said that are all admirable traits & something I admire in myself and others however the balance is crucial……so what are you going to do about it…..are you going to stay a PP or move upwards towards the light to being an SP? or are you going to stay on the fence??????
I can tell you, it is much more bright & loads more fun on the flip side 😉
Love Oprah :)
Love Oprah 🙂

This is my little mantra –

Sexy is not a size; every Calorie is not a war; your Body is not a battleground & your Value is not measured by kgs!

“I am beautiful and worthy just as I am; because I am.