I held onto fear and anger for so long, I didn’t realise that I was allowing myself to swallow poision…..
For so long I felt like I didn’t deserve to have what I wanted – after all I was broken, I was flawed, there was something wrong with me, I didn’t look like other girls, I wasn’t as smart or as beautiful as them. My story was that as a little girl, if my dad didn’t want or accept me (the one man that should as after all I was his child) then why would anyone else want and accept – if I was perfect – or if I had been a boy – maybe it would have been different.
I spent so long trying to get other people to like me; love me; accept me – for years…..I kept trying to be everything to everyone – to be someone else – to be a people pleaser – to be anyone but me – the poision was not only the food that I was using to push down my emotions – it was the words I was saying to myself.
Then one day I woke up and realised that this isn’t the life I want – and who the fuck am I?
One of the very first lessons in my transformational weight loss journey was FORGIVENESS.
It was also one of the hardest- I went through and wrote out every name of every person that I was upset at or angry at or who had hurt me. I acknowledged it – released it – accepted that I couldn’t change the past.
Then I realised that it isn’t about everyone else.
If I didn’t forgive me, how can I stand in this world and make a difference?
I am who I am – unique – extraordinary – lushious – beautiful – silly – caring – strong – stubborn – with weaknesses and broken pieces – however that is all a part of me.
Time to forgive myself – for the self hate – the pain – the anger – what’s done is done – it is how I react to a situation, I can’t change the past.
I could however chose to put the book back on the shelf and never have the need again to open it.
Who I am being in the world? It was time to stand up & be stronger than I was yesterday – to be responsible for me and my present & future. To be FREE to be ME – Because what you think of me is none of my business. And yes, forgiveness is something I practice everyday – with loads more compassion now 😉
So I ask you now-
How long will you do it to yourself?
How long will you continue to beat yourself up?
How long will you hold onto the past, the hurt, the pain?
Let it go!
Forgive yourself – give yourself permission to forgive yourself,
it really is time…
That’s right…forgive yourself…Now xxx
Ps. I will be releasing a new meditation for sale on self forgiveness in December xx