Body Image, Choice, Determination, FOCUS, Happiness, Health, Life style, Mental Health, Passion, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

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I don’t know about you…….but I can’t stand it when people tell me not to panic!

Really – the last word you hear is ‘panic’ and telling me not to do something – well the rebel in me is going to want to do it because you said not too!

When we Panic – we don’t make rationale or logical decisions…… Panic is an emotional response – flight or fight.

Right now – the fight in me has gone…. and I just want to fly – because you know what…it looks like heaps more fun!

A beautiful Soul Sister said to me the other night – “It is Ok to want to run to your destination as long as it is you running towards your desire and not away from what you don’t want to deal with”. 

Sometimes you know you are on the right path; yet in the very pit of your stomach; you realise that you can’t be everything to everyone and I am choosing not to stay this way to please others. And has I have said many times before; If you aren’t comfortable or like who I am then that is OK too – you can leave at anytime – the door is to your right….just don’t block the traffic.

Lessons from Fairy Tales….

In the past we had Fairy Tales or Fables,  to help us learn how to guide our morale compass. The Big Bad Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood – don’t talk to strangers……(or was he misunderstood over the years and was craving acceptance to be loved for who he was…??) .

How about Little Red Riding Hood; could the Wolf have been her spirit….her internal dialogue? When she wanted to hide from the world…or maybe run free….she turned into the Wolf……????

Everyone has their story and it depends at the time of your exposure to it – how you relate to it.

Recently; I saw the adaption of Maleficent; the Evil Witch in Sleeping Beauty – this version showed that she was misunderstood – a broken heart; a burnt soul; wings of self expression destroyed – it takes a lot to heal that and yes – it was her reaction to the betrayal that created her new persona – yet she also realised that she could control her response – change her reaction and heal……she also, through the learning from another;  was able to uncover what love really meant for her.

So you realise too that; in all of theses stories – power is not evil – you can be calm and feel powerfully grounded – even if you are wrong; you can acknowledge this – grow from it.  Then we learn that when you push against your soul connection and force it to be something it is not -or to look a certain way or to be a certain way that doesn’t align with you; that is when you are turning against your inner desires and things stop working.

So my point is – I was afraid for a long time; I was afraid of the “Wolf”/”Maleficent” in me – and then I wasn’t…. – because the Big Bad Wolf was just misunderstood……the emotions and the reactions I was having – were misunderstood.

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Recent realisation…………a BIG HOLY SHIT MOMENT!

Look lets cut through the Bullshit – I know most of us have something that we don’t like about ourselves – I am not sure when it started or why it happens…..or what you don’t like….I personally think everyone is beautiful because there is no one else like you!

I know some people; they think they have a crooked smile; or they don’t like their nose or they feel that their eyes are too small… And even though we may get upset about our imperfections, they don’t interfere with our daily lives.

However in all of my transformational journey, the learning’s and experience about my feelings around my body; it wasn’t just about my self worth or imperfections that I saw…..It was recently pointed out to me that there is a disorder that for some people their real or perceived flaws consumed them for hours each day and prevent them from living………and HOLY SHIT – I realised that this had been me…..

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

According to the Better Health website (Victoria government): it can be defined as-http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Body_dysmorphic_disorder_(BDD)?open

“Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental illness in which people constantly worry about the way they look. They may believe an inconspicuous or non-existent physical attribute is a serious defect. Consequently, they may stay at home or keep their appearance hidden. Treatment includes cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) and antidepressant drugs.”

I had been so ashamed of myself – my body – some days I was at a loss of what to do……hence further information advised of……

  • Can’t control their negative thoughts and don’t believe people who tell them that they look fine.
  • Their thoughts may cause severe emotional distress and interfere with their daily functioning.
  • They may miss work or school, avoid social situations and isolate themselves, even from family and friends, because they fear others will notice their flaws.
  • They may even undergo unnecessary plastic surgeries to correct perceived imperfections, never finding satisfaction with the results.

For years; in my head – (I felt like I had the Big Bad Wolf inside of me at times) – there were times that for days on end; I would isolate myself because of my ‘flaws’; and when people said you are beautiful – for me – they were lying; my negative thoughts were out of control and yes surgery did enter my head – I wanted to completely change the defected body I thought I had.

You see the thing is; no one talks about this – not one Doctor when I told them of my thoughts and feelings – the downward spiral; acknowledged that this disorder even existed – I was just depressed/fat/lazy- (Please note; that depression is a part of it; so please seek out support).

It is only recently that I have discovered what this is all about and how occurs for some on a very extreme level.

 

I was also told that “Eating disorders are just more extreme versions of the exact same issues that we all have with eating. Technically everyone who struggled with their weight has disordered eating in some form or another.” 

If you would like read more about what is being done; check out the link below from the USA:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/ways-spot-body-dysmorphic-disorder/story?id=2502703

Acknowledging the Big Bad Wolf; she was misunderstood……

I am so grateful for this new knowledge and the incredible opportunity to not only heal myself through new techniques; I know it is not an easy process and for others the journey has been and will be very different.

I have been able to create a shift in beliefs; my values and with daily habits of self-love – to move forward….I am no longer afraid of the Big Bad Wolf – she is pretty cool – she walks beside me now; instead of in my head – AND now; the more I learn; the more I can help others through their journey of self realisation.

Look – some of you will disagree;  and some won’t know what to say – all I know is that issues like Eating Disorders/Depression are not something that people talk about – it is almost like we are afraid….afraid that we won’t know the ‘right thing to say” or “what to do” – but you know what – the biggest gift in my shifting out of the fear and into the flight – to SOAR in my life – was someone asking me – “isn’t it time for you??”;  they listened; acknowledged and then showing me the tools so that I could take 100% responsibility for myself and my life – it wasn’t easy – but now; as I continue to learn; evolve and gain more knowledge – there is no looking back!!!

Ps. Including……a photo shoot!! and I can’t wait to share them with you!! Some will be for my website and others will just be for me 🙂

New Chapter….

As some of you may have read; recently it was announced on my Facebook Page of my exciting news and the amazing opportunity that my journey has taken me on!!

I am now working as a Client Service Manager for My Mind Coach…… http://mymindcoach.com.au/welcoming-selina/!!!! Now I get to serve others to help get them where they want to go in life; so that they can love themselves and shine brighter than ever!  Just as the incredible Kylie did for me 18 months ago 🙂

Words can’t express how my life has changed and the overflow of gratitude that I have for her support and encouragement to take a leap and soar!

Watch this space!!!!

Body Image, Choice, Determination, Fitness, FOCUS, Happiness, Health, Life style, Love, Self Confidence, Self Love

Failure – Good, Bad or Indifferent?

Have you ever noticed that if you mention the word FAILURE most people cringe at the thought

then quickly avoid it & move on to another topic……

If it makes you uncomfortable then I suggest you stop reading – MMmmmm NO stop – keep reading – it might just be what you need….

Failure comes in all shapes and sizes!

It is part of the experience of living and what becomes part of your make-up/foundation of who you are or who you chose to become. For some of us the failure goes way back to our childhood – it is “failing” a subject at primary school; or coming 2nd instead of 1st in the cross country or no one ever picking you as their valentine.  In the grown up world, as an adult that  can translates into “failing” at a relationship; or “failing” to meet your weekly targets at work or “failing” the expectations of others – it is there – the lesson again & again, in failure – and how we are not good enough because of specific measurement in the world.

I know we have spoken about this before,however for me now, it is how we react to it that changes the meaning of it – failure can be your advantage to the world!

Hear me out……………………. 

During a personal training session this week, I attempted something completely new in my training – a weighted back squat – 10 reps per round, going up in 5-10kgs stints however I stopped at 45kgs – the reason no higher…….was that on the final 10th squat I went down in the squat and didn’t return – I just stayed there………… I froze.

It wasn’t that I was fatigued – I can leg press 200kgs for god sake!

It was there at that point, I felt like I was “failing” because all of a sudden I couldn’t imagine myself going up one last time, I felt like I couldn’t get the message from my head to my legs to push up….one last time! And I froze….I just stopped…..

In life – as in fitness sometimes it is that one last time that has everything change.

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My Personal Trainer is a phenomenal woman! I have never met anyone like her – In the past, I have had a couple of trainers but never for this long and never someone who got the journey I have been on and where I want to go 🙂

She continues to encourage me every week – even when I don’t have anything left and the dreaded words “I can’t, Paula” come out of my mouth (believe me they do!) she has my back – she gets me to go one last time/one last round – believing in me, believing that I can do it…. and surprise….guess what…I do!

She is teaching me things to build my confidence in areas I didn’t even know existed in fitness training – I always thought it was ‘energy in = energy out” do a class or 2 and the body will just change. Now that I know half of the journey is in the mind set – I am now learning new ways in the physical realm and training has never been so much fun!

She has my back – she is there to catch the weights or to pick me up when I am so completely done that I can’t put one leg in front of the other – She is there to high five me when I go beyond the ‘limits’ I think I have….she believes in me and at times I find it overwhelming.

So – back to the freeze in the squat – She said something to me in that moment of the freeze in my squat – (forgive me Paula, I can’t remember the precise words I know we have talked about it – however this is the message I have taken away with me – so thank you)

“In fitness, as in life – you have to let yourself fail so that you can build a new level of confidence to come back up fighting stronger; more confident then when you went down and that’s all that was – you lost your confidence.

I am here; I know you can do it – you just have to trust in yourself that you can – you are not only building fitness you are building confidence”.

As an adult, I have spent so much time hiding my failures; (although I realise now that my unhealthy way of living both in mind and body was telling the world that I didn’t trust myself and the failure to love my body is evident in that) – I was running away because as a child – failure was always there for me; it was the norm.

I wasn’t smart enough; or fast enough – I was always the last one left when they picked out sport teams; because no one wanted me on their team – most of the time I was ‘allocated”. I was never a straight A student – I could never mentor someone because I struggled to do the basics.

As a child, we moved interstate – so, not only did I suddenly have other people in own age that believed in me ( & loved me big time – and still do -my beautiful cousins – Ness, Rach & Jess – thank you ladies), I also had a teacher who came along & for the first time in my memory (because this is all occurring in the mind of an 8 year old) who believed in me – even as an 8 year old girl – my self talk was so negative – it was even written on my report card – “Selina can be often heard saying I can’t do this or I am no good at this”.

You see, when we moved states from one school system to another – I had to re-learn years 1-4 all over again because I only knew the basics – because I was slow in my learning, (please note – that my dyslexia didn’t get diagnosed until I was in my 1st year at University at the age of 18) and due to large classroom sizes in Sydney, no one had the time to help or explain things in a different way to me, so I was left behind and I failed. When we moved to Queensland I was held back so that I could re-learn (and I did in the space of about 6 months) so that I could go to year 5 and this was because of my teacher who saw something in me; he saw that I was eager to learn and like any child; responded to positive re-enforcement and that I had to have things taught to me slightly different to gasp the understanding – and I did.

So my “AHHH” moment this week;

Even though I am letting go of the ‘perfectionism” (it is a tough one Erica but I am getting there)- I didn’t believe in my confidence level in my training because of the failure of the past – what is going to make this any different? I can see the changes in my head; my body isn’t showing them. Time to take it to the next level – my body is used to this way of ‘learning’. Hence why my PT is so amazing! She saw this before I did!

Here are my words to you:

“A moment of confidence is defined by an action from yourself. No one else. When you have shown that you believe in yourself, that you are worth it, all of a sudden you realise that you were never alone; someone has always had your back; you just had to trust that even if it wasn’t the person you first thought it might be”.

My training is something that I love – I love it! And I miss it when I don’t do it and it is also about balance – sleeping; eating; loving; training.

The lessons I learn in my training, I see everyday, the impact and the results in my life – in my work – in my words.

This blog is my ability to inspire – inspire and mentor – this is something that I am great at because if I can give you something that you haven’t had before and it changes a thought or an action and your life tingles with excitement or improves in a way that you have been striving for because I made myself vulnerable to you – then YES! I love failure – good, bad or indifferent 🙂

I love giving you my experiences; my knowledge; my lessons; my mistakes; my tears and my successes!

I am not perfect – I have my melt downs; I have my clarity. I miss being held by someone who loves and accepts me; I love hugs and having my living room filled with gorgeous women laughing and sharing their stories. It is life – and I am so grateful – even when I fail.

So Paula – thank you – I can’t wait for the next session!!!!! (although in today’s circuit instead of training with a 12kg weight jacket – I added 4 more kgs – 16kgs in total….and when I couldn’t do anymore – Paula was there – she had my back – pushing me through the point of where i would have failed in the past – push ups on my toes with an extra 16kgs….done!) I will keep you posted 🙂 

I will leave you today with a request,  as always I am keen to hear  what you think – write your comments below to this question –

What has failure looked like to you & how have you turned it around?

Thank you again for your support on this journey; I am deeply humbled 🙂

In the words of another amazing woman I admire…..

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Ps. My next entry is about my final few weeks on the lead up to my 12-month anniversary of this journey and a few final keys that I need to find and turn…..oh and in April – a new exciting project that is due to start before I go to my course in Bali!

Watch this space!

Body Image, Choice, Determination, Fitness, FOCUS, Happiness, Health, Life style, Love, Self Confidence, Self Love, Transformation

Alignment of Desire – I GOT IT! I have a Beautiful Mind – I have a Beautiful Body – I have a Beautiful LIFE!

This week has been a massive turning point – heart, head, body!

As you know I felt stuck – in a holding pattern frustrated and uninspired because nothing felt like it was moving forward! I had put everything in place and was clear on what I wanted however it felt like my request had gotten lost 😦

How can I inspire others if I feel like I can’t inspire myself?

And I figured it out – it all came down to promises unfulfilled.

Promises from others & Promises to myself.

Because I was not focused on my purpose – I was focused on the outcome. 

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Time to create a new truth  – oh & by the way – blockages have become a blessing in disguise!

My new truth is – it is okay not to be perfect – the more I have, the more I can give – with education/learning, there is action – as long as my action is generated by the feelings that give me the most clarity.

Clarity comes from aligning my values with my intentions and writing out a plan of action/doing – not just focusing on the outcome.

Here is a glimpse of my Values – which I am learning to review and adjust as I more forward – this is just the first 6;

  1. Luscious Love & Connection
  2. Zestful energizing health with a powerhouse level of fitness
  3. Luxurious Abundant Wealth
  4. Creative Knowledge with Focused Passion
  5. Fun & Fame with Appreciation, Adventure, Relaxation and Celebration
  6. Self Expression & Contribution with Balance and Inspiration

Yes – I admit it – I want my life to be one of Love, Connection, Passion; Laughter and Success! I have never wanted to admit that before because I was worried what people would think – OK my perfectionism was worried – now I am excited to share and express all of this, because it is what as helped to generate the emotions/feelings to move me from ‘being stuck’ to ‘soaring to new heights’.

Yes – I admit it – I am still working on the clearer more specific details – I am not afraid of them now – I am not afraid that the promises to myself will be broken – because NOW I am checking in with my purpose – listening to my heart/my body/my mentors who are teaching me so much and bringing out the best in me – because what I see in them -they see in me 🙂

Yes – I admit that my goals/projects/plans in relation to my health – still has the kgs in it – At times I don’t remember what I looked like at a certain weight that was healthy – however I am very happy that it is no longer the only measure of my success – yes – i used to think that the measure of my self worth/success was what the number said. There are many pieces to the puzzle of my health – I want my health to be one of vitality for life – not just about a challenge or a dress or way to look. Now it is about my strength in my mind and my body – it doesn’t have to be one or the other – it can be both. The difference is now, this time, the goal is not the end product – it is living everyday and enjoying the feeling of being healthy/being active/being clear/being connected/feeling beautiful/living everyday with the intention of love  – in my mind, in my heart and in my body – so that I can lead by example.

Today’s breakthrough – I trained in our Sunday Circuit Session, without my ankle strap for the 1st time since I injured it in early November 2013!!

Alignment Action – 

I had, what I call – an hour of power on the phone, with one of my mentor’s – to align my head & my heart with my intention/my purpose – from this, I was able to create a new file – a new perspective – to bring it all together – and I realised that I had selfishly been so lost in the lack of what I thought I didn’t or couldn’t bring to others – that I didn’t see the beauty of what I do bring.

So not only this week did I shift my OWN POWER & MIND but once I did – I was INSPIRED by an  extraordinary blessing of the words of Natalie Patterson & her poem “I have a beautiful body” which brought me to tears. This stunning woman glows from the inside – out – with her courage; her passion; her self expression – is breath-taking.

However upon further reading and research – she has her own blog and more words that have since moved me – hence below I have shared her words in a link for the poem – “I dare you” – http://natalieispoetry.wordpress.com/2014/01/22/i-dare-you/

My favourite line – “Get out, you naked girl with cellulite” said no one ever… so get over it”

That line hit me hard – another AHHH moment! So get over it – I then went to a day spa/bath-house & walked around in my swimmers – without covering up my legs which is what i would normally do – because I am beautiful – regardless of what the media says is beautiful.

So taking everything on from this week’s AHH moments –

  • I felt inspired!
  • I felt blessed!
  • I felt valued!
  • I felt powerful!
  • I felt aligned!
  • I felt alive!

Why? Because when you align your values; intention; passion & purpose – it works.

If I can do this, then so can you!

So taking my life/your life to the next level has arrived !

I never thought it could have and yet, it has arrived in the most unusual way – I would never, ever, have imagined where I am today 🙂

I am so grateful that I am here at the start of a new chapter; I am so grateful that you are with me too – so thank you 🙂

So I will leave you today, with this little message –

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