A while ago I was in my HOT YOGA class and was doing a downward facing dog and I saw my thighs – they were a different shape and my first reaction was –
“HOLY FUCK!! My thighs are skinny….oh that’s not good….”
The FEAR of the pressure of being thin…..
At the time I just pushed the thought out of my head…..however since then I have realised that – I am afraid of being THIN – because being THIN = BEING ILL.
I decided to explore this more and began reading, “A course in weightloss 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering your weight forever” BY Marianne Williamson.
It is a different world being healthy and fit – you FEEL DIFFERENT – more alive and happy and vibrant!!! You look different, clothes fit different and people treat you different (i know we shouldn’t but when you have been FAT for most of your life people judge you more – I don’t know why but they do) – People used to look in my trolley at what I was buying – the look on their faces says it all…I even had a lady once shake her head at me after looking in my trolley.
Yet I realise that the pressure to be THIN to look a certain way is BIGGER than the SHAME I felt at being fat. Yet right now I am healthy & slim – so why is THIN so scary???
HOLY CRAP! Why is being THIN more scary then being SLIM & HEALTHY??
Exploring this thought and realiseation as I read the book, I noticed AGAIN that no matter what SIZE we are – there is this intense pressure to be (ACTUALLY – NO) – to LOOK a certain way – “the ideal” – who, what & when did this get decided??? AND what the FUCK is “ideal”???
For years I beat myself up for NOT being the PERFECT SIZE 10 with sexy thin thighs and flat stomach – GOD – HOW MUCH TIME & ENERGY DID I WASTE????
How much time and energy do you let this kind of self talk consume your daily thoughts??? 50%? 70%? 90%??!!
For me it was 90% of my day!! YET during my transformational journey, I have learnt that it is more important how I LOVE & SEE myself & BY doing this – my thoughts changed…my belief changed – that being THIN is not scary – it is what it represented to me.
Hence, noticing this reaction to my thighs in HOT YOGA, I realised that for the first time in a long time, I was seeing my body exactly as it is. It is not THIN or SLIM or FAT – it is my body BEAUTIFUL in all it’s glory & noticing where there used to be NO love, I now see LOVE .
IT was the FEAR that caught me by surprise – the old judgement. So a lesson learnt here, is so where there was FEAR – now I give it LOVE. The FEAR for me was that BEING THIN/SLIM meant being ill…being hurt…being in pain. YET the more I allow the LOVE and forgivenness to occur, the more my body has begun to reshape itself in a new form.
My body is now showing me what is wants to be, NOT how I had been seeing it – ‘that nothing I do will ever change my thighs’ because being thin equals being ill.”
Another insight from her book has been, removing my own self judgement from the old me – she taught me a lot and now it is time to allow the new me to teach me a few things 😉
So my question to you – What made you decide to stop loving your body?
Share your thoughts below xx
Inspiration is on the move xx with love from Little Miss Fabulousness x