Body Image, Choice, Determination, Fitness, FOCUS, Happiness, Health, Life style, Love, Self Confidence, Self Love

Failure – Good, Bad or Indifferent?

Have you ever noticed that if you mention the word FAILURE most people cringe at the thought

then quickly avoid it & move on to another topic……

If it makes you uncomfortable then I suggest you stop reading – MMmmmm NO stop – keep reading – it might just be what you need….

Failure comes in all shapes and sizes!

It is part of the experience of living and what becomes part of your make-up/foundation of who you are or who you chose to become. For some of us the failure goes way back to our childhood – it is “failing” a subject at primary school; or coming 2nd instead of 1st in the cross country or no one ever picking you as their valentine.  In the grown up world, as an adult that  can translates into “failing” at a relationship; or “failing” to meet your weekly targets at work or “failing” the expectations of others – it is there – the lesson again & again, in failure – and how we are not good enough because of specific measurement in the world.

I know we have spoken about this before,however for me now, it is how we react to it that changes the meaning of it – failure can be your advantage to the world!

Hear me out……………………. 

During a personal training session this week, I attempted something completely new in my training – a weighted back squat – 10 reps per round, going up in 5-10kgs stints however I stopped at 45kgs – the reason no higher…….was that on the final 10th squat I went down in the squat and didn’t return – I just stayed there………… I froze.

It wasn’t that I was fatigued – I can leg press 200kgs for god sake!

It was there at that point, I felt like I was “failing” because all of a sudden I couldn’t imagine myself going up one last time, I felt like I couldn’t get the message from my head to my legs to push up….one last time! And I froze….I just stopped…..

In life – as in fitness sometimes it is that one last time that has everything change.

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My Personal Trainer is a phenomenal woman! I have never met anyone like her – In the past, I have had a couple of trainers but never for this long and never someone who got the journey I have been on and where I want to go 🙂

She continues to encourage me every week – even when I don’t have anything left and the dreaded words “I can’t, Paula” come out of my mouth (believe me they do!) she has my back – she gets me to go one last time/one last round – believing in me, believing that I can do it…. and surprise….guess what…I do!

She is teaching me things to build my confidence in areas I didn’t even know existed in fitness training – I always thought it was ‘energy in = energy out” do a class or 2 and the body will just change. Now that I know half of the journey is in the mind set – I am now learning new ways in the physical realm and training has never been so much fun!

She has my back – she is there to catch the weights or to pick me up when I am so completely done that I can’t put one leg in front of the other – She is there to high five me when I go beyond the ‘limits’ I think I have….she believes in me and at times I find it overwhelming.

So – back to the freeze in the squat – She said something to me in that moment of the freeze in my squat – (forgive me Paula, I can’t remember the precise words I know we have talked about it – however this is the message I have taken away with me – so thank you)

“In fitness, as in life – you have to let yourself fail so that you can build a new level of confidence to come back up fighting stronger; more confident then when you went down and that’s all that was – you lost your confidence.

I am here; I know you can do it – you just have to trust in yourself that you can – you are not only building fitness you are building confidence”.

As an adult, I have spent so much time hiding my failures; (although I realise now that my unhealthy way of living both in mind and body was telling the world that I didn’t trust myself and the failure to love my body is evident in that) – I was running away because as a child – failure was always there for me; it was the norm.

I wasn’t smart enough; or fast enough – I was always the last one left when they picked out sport teams; because no one wanted me on their team – most of the time I was ‘allocated”. I was never a straight A student – I could never mentor someone because I struggled to do the basics.

As a child, we moved interstate – so, not only did I suddenly have other people in own age that believed in me ( & loved me big time – and still do -my beautiful cousins – Ness, Rach & Jess – thank you ladies), I also had a teacher who came along & for the first time in my memory (because this is all occurring in the mind of an 8 year old) who believed in me – even as an 8 year old girl – my self talk was so negative – it was even written on my report card – “Selina can be often heard saying I can’t do this or I am no good at this”.

You see, when we moved states from one school system to another – I had to re-learn years 1-4 all over again because I only knew the basics – because I was slow in my learning, (please note – that my dyslexia didn’t get diagnosed until I was in my 1st year at University at the age of 18) and due to large classroom sizes in Sydney, no one had the time to help or explain things in a different way to me, so I was left behind and I failed. When we moved to Queensland I was held back so that I could re-learn (and I did in the space of about 6 months) so that I could go to year 5 and this was because of my teacher who saw something in me; he saw that I was eager to learn and like any child; responded to positive re-enforcement and that I had to have things taught to me slightly different to gasp the understanding – and I did.

So my “AHHH” moment this week;

Even though I am letting go of the ‘perfectionism” (it is a tough one Erica but I am getting there)- I didn’t believe in my confidence level in my training because of the failure of the past – what is going to make this any different? I can see the changes in my head; my body isn’t showing them. Time to take it to the next level – my body is used to this way of ‘learning’. Hence why my PT is so amazing! She saw this before I did!

Here are my words to you:

“A moment of confidence is defined by an action from yourself. No one else. When you have shown that you believe in yourself, that you are worth it, all of a sudden you realise that you were never alone; someone has always had your back; you just had to trust that even if it wasn’t the person you first thought it might be”.

My training is something that I love – I love it! And I miss it when I don’t do it and it is also about balance – sleeping; eating; loving; training.

The lessons I learn in my training, I see everyday, the impact and the results in my life – in my work – in my words.

This blog is my ability to inspire – inspire and mentor – this is something that I am great at because if I can give you something that you haven’t had before and it changes a thought or an action and your life tingles with excitement or improves in a way that you have been striving for because I made myself vulnerable to you – then YES! I love failure – good, bad or indifferent 🙂

I love giving you my experiences; my knowledge; my lessons; my mistakes; my tears and my successes!

I am not perfect – I have my melt downs; I have my clarity. I miss being held by someone who loves and accepts me; I love hugs and having my living room filled with gorgeous women laughing and sharing their stories. It is life – and I am so grateful – even when I fail.

So Paula – thank you – I can’t wait for the next session!!!!! (although in today’s circuit instead of training with a 12kg weight jacket – I added 4 more kgs – 16kgs in total….and when I couldn’t do anymore – Paula was there – she had my back – pushing me through the point of where i would have failed in the past – push ups on my toes with an extra 16kgs….done!) I will keep you posted 🙂 

I will leave you today with a request,  as always I am keen to hear  what you think – write your comments below to this question –

What has failure looked like to you & how have you turned it around?

Thank you again for your support on this journey; I am deeply humbled 🙂

In the words of another amazing woman I admire…..

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Ps. My next entry is about my final few weeks on the lead up to my 12-month anniversary of this journey and a few final keys that I need to find and turn…..oh and in April – a new exciting project that is due to start before I go to my course in Bali!

Watch this space!

2 thoughts on “Failure – Good, Bad or Indifferent?”

  1. It is a real inspiration to me to hear a person that wants to keep trying and continuously live. Never give up, I find that is truly the path to missing out. These were great words for me to read =)

  2. A Superb Post Selena!

    Am so impressed with your eloquence, honesty and joy of expression. You really are a very talented writer and to hear of your personal journey really inspiring AND insightful. You are more beautiful than you know (even now with that newfound sense of who you really are).

    So very glad that move to Queensland was such a watershed. None of us ‘makes it alone’ -it does indeed ‘take a village’ to learn from, be inspired by, be helped and supported, ACCEPTED – and, vice versa.

    Much love to a woman coming into her own.

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