A picture is worth 1000 words…then picture this…..
The last few weeks……the pressure of perfection……it has been there….every second, every minute; every breath – at 2am in the morning I am waking up with breathlessness and at 11.30am in meetings, it feels like nothing I have been doing is enough!
SO then what else can I do????????????????
I put more pressure on myself to be PERFECT – who’s idea of PERFECT???? I don’t know!
Holy crap – My perfectionism which has always been front and centre – is NOW FRONT & CENTRE & DRIVING ME INSANE! I am guilty as charged – So sue me – actually no…………just slap me instead!
I have put so much pressure on myself to be PERFECT because that is what I thought would everyone wanted; it would make it easier…yes…that is it….if I am PERFECT then no one will need to worry about me! Instead I have been feeling like I am drowning………..suffocating……disappearing ……I have been filled with so much anger; disappointment; frustration – that nothing was working to make it disappear or to go away – not writing it out – not going to the gym – not EFT!
So picture this – Confusion City!
I am Good 🙂 I am Happy 🙂 I am Smiling 🙂 I am Loving Life!
For the 1st time in years, everything – all of my dreams/projects/goals/adventures/ this journey; it is all coming together – I am so because I know it is all happening! However then I have this odd sensation and that I need to do more – MORE – and then it will all come together faster!!
However there is only 24-hours in 1 day – 8 of those I “should” be sleeping – another 8-10 I am at work – another 2 hours I am driving to & from work – another 2 I am studying or reading etc – another 2 I am either at the gym or walking etc then 2 I need to eat and groom etc etc etc
So I can only do so much – My pressure on myself to be PERFECT is actually stopping me from having it all; because I feel guilty for wanting it all – I feel guilty because I feel like if I am wanting more and wishing for something different; then I am not appreciative of what I have here and now – and that couldn’t be further from the truth!
I am so LUCKY!!!
I am so GRATEFUL!!!
I am so BLESSED!!!
However I realised that by feeling guilty because I want MORE; it is actually stopping all of the dreams/projects/goals/adventures/ this journey dead in its tracks; because I am sending mixed signals!!!!
So to clear up the picture and the confusion – There is nothing wrong with being a PERFECTIONIST – I am just learning to how to balance it – I feel guilty; I am human – however it doesn’t have to lead the way. I am someone who doesn’t want to leave others behind – however that is your journey and I am so sorry that I have been trying to live it for you.
I made a choice – I am getting on the train – actually NO – I am learning to fly – to soar – to grown my own wings – it is my time to shine because I want it all and everything I have been through and done – has lead me to this point. SO I am just sitting with it – the mixture of it all – because this too will shift and a WHOLE NEW LEVEL is waiting for me to explore!
Time to let go of the pressure and use it to my advantage 🙂
How, you ask???? I have no freakin’ idea; however it is going to be fun finding out!
I will keep ya posted 🙂