This Festive Season has been like no other…the world is in a different place….Well let’s be blunt…it is and I am, in a different place to the world.
Recently, I attended a workshop where I had an opportunity to reflect on this year………everything from the good; bad; ugly; exciting; scary and amazing moments….moments I have wanted to forget (however I still acknowledge them for leading me to where I am now) and moments that still make me tingle! Insert: Giggle like a little girl 🙂
(Oh and by the way: A big big big realisation – this was still in my head……. “I’m not allowed to have what I want” nor “I can I ever have what I want” so even though I have done all of this work; I can still only look through the glass window and dream of the bigger things..AHHHHHH – smashed that thought into a billion pieces!!!…I love how we continue to evolve!)
This year; my breakout year….I had to get clear about what was holding me back in every aspect of my life??
There were questions that had to be asked and questions that ONLY I could answer; however I had been avoiding; I had been avoiding big time!!!! Well honestly……I didn’t really ever deal with the following thoughts until this year…..
* When I have lost weight, I will feel more confident!
* When I have lost weight, I will be beautiful!
* When I have lost weight, I will be worthy of money!
* When I have lost weight, someone will love me!
Looking back now; this mindset work,it saved me & gave me the tools to save my life. Because I finally faced up to the feelings that I had been avoiding…..the feelings I faced now I am not over eating or stuffing my emotions down with food. Look, every area of my life was being affected if I was being really honest with myself and let’s be honest…it is much easier now that ever to be honest – because I tell ya….lying to one’s self all the time….it is really exhausting! So reflecting……
The biggest MASSIVE highlight…..Downside to losing weight (Is there a downside you ask???)
Well yes; if I lose the weight and I am still single; then it is something about me in my personality that men don’t want – because if you are slim and sexy – men are attracted to that and want you…..right????
(Please note that this has come from years of rejection from men and I know that not all men are this way – it came from and included being told once that if the girl they really liked doesn’t say “yes” to him asking her out then we can keep dating to a few men saying to me that they don’t date women my size. Then I realised that most of my life everyone around me has always had someone loving them & showing them in action – all of my friends and family have been in relationships/married for the past 15 years and no one has ever wanted to marry me.)
HOWEVER please note that SELF LOVE and SELF WORTH have replaced this doubt and crazy idea plus I have always know that if you aren’t happy within you, it is not someone else’s responsibility to make you happy either – so mix this together and it is a much more attractive combination to give out to the world 🙂
UPSIDE to staying fat/unhealthy/unhappy- is it SAFE – my family & friends will feel better if i stay the same; because they have always make comment when I lose weight or wear fancy clothes or go somewhere nice. I know they don‘t mean to be harsh when they say things however it always felt like it took away from my achievements; like if they weren’t happy then what right did I have to be happy. (Crazy right???!!)
Is there a reason that being slim, confident & sexy is unsafe for me?
Yes; because even though I knew I was strong mentally; I am a survivor & I thought that no one could hurt me if I was “protected” and this was reflected in my size. Why do you ask? Well it comes from a few significant events in my past; some of the issues included being assaulted at the age of 15; being in a relationship where he was controlling and manipulatively and childhood trauma – all victims states of mind. Not very empowering…. I had to stop blaming everything else and deal with it all and YES I put myself first.
This year; I am proud to say that I finally dealt with the reasons behind being slim, confident & sexy…and why it was unsafe – I set myself free for ME! No one else – not my family; not my friends; not the men who rejected me; not the media or person on the street who doesn’t even know me – I DID IT FOR ME!
And because I know we all make promises to ourselves that we never intend to keep; such as –
* “I will take care of myself better when I am slim”.
* “I’ll allow myself to be happy when I lose the weight……even if i am wasting precious time being unhappy now”.
* I will stop feeling guilty! THE GUILT!…..I feel guilty for putting myself first; because everyone is more important then me
WAIT a GOD DAMN F***ING MINUTE!
DON’T we take care of what we love? Our family; friends; belongings; pets etc Then why wasn’t I taken care of myself???????
REALLY being fat was my excuse for not living the life I really wanted – I didn’t feel safe to shine 😦 I didn’t love me.
I had to stop beating/eating myself up!
I HAD TO STEP OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE!
This has been huge!!! I finally did it and you know what– it wasn’t that bad after all 🙂 IT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOD DAMN AMAZING!!! and continues to be so every second of everyday! 🙂 I did it with the MINDSET work and hence why now I want to work with it with others 🙂
I know now that it is OK to look a certain way – my way – I am beautiful from the inside-out! I am worth having it all! I am determined and focused. I have said this before – your body is a reflection of your internal world!! During this Festive Season we are surrounded by those we love & lets be honest – some you tolerate 😉 however it is a time to reflect; give gratitude and love for the year and not just on the day of Christmas and not just to others; to yourself every day of the year! When you give love; it doesn’t always mean that it comes back from that person you gave it too; please know that it will come back 🙂
It is wonderful to put yourself first; be an example; give gratitude and love because YOU ARE overflowing with it because when you give to you; you then have an abundance to give to others 🙂 Start planning to do the things you love; the things that give you goosebumps; the things that will take your life to the next level! That plan will become your action every day! It will be easy and natural 🙂
Shine like a Star – all year round – not just at Christmas!
LOVE YOURSELF, NOW!
LOVE YOUR LIFE, NOW!
Are you ready to skip down the yellow brick road with me?
Are you ready to create it as we go? Your Way? Your Direction? Your Style?
I have learnt by loving myself and my life more now, I weigh less – I stress less; I love more and I deserve more! I have created space for more in my life so that I can shine! With no guilt! Yes the comfort zone is still there; because you create a new one and then have to break out of it again and again and again! AND you know what……I LOVE IT!!!
This year is nearly over…………..don’t you think it is time in 2014 for us all to shine? Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all looked inwards and gave to ourselves so that we had more to give to others – if we shine; it gives others permission to shine! How amazing would that be for everyone!!!
What are you going to do that is different? You can start right now!!!
This year was my breakout year…it was the foundation I needed to set up so that 2014 could be the best year yet!
The side effect of doing this for myself has been bigger than the body transformation….the mindset shift…the loose clothes….the happiness that bubbles inside of me now instead of loneliness and fear…….I am DOING things I only ever dreamed & some I hadn’t! – An example – This blog!
Others that I am excited about….
} My new self worth! I am lovable! The changes in the woman who looks back at me in the mirror now 🙂 Sculpting my body for living; fun and adventure! I can lift weights now; I never; ever; ever thought I could do that!
} I am getting my finances in order & developing new income streams for next year! I am worthy of abundance! I am a very lucky lady!
} I am studying to be a Life Coach and will travel to Bali to do this next May! Giving myself permission to have a long holiday of 3 weeks!
} I am creating and starting my own business! Being open to opportunities a plenty!
} I am dating again – so the online dating world didn’t work for me; so I am getting out and about instead 🙂
} Oh and I wake up everyday feeling alive – my alive – loving me!
There will never be a perfect place to shine; other than right now! The journey isn’t easy – it is a consistent work in progress… as is everything around us – the world is consistently changing/evolving – the COMFORT ZONE has a new level and it is a new level I want to smash through again! AND again! AND again!
I know you have tried before….and it hasn’t worked…this time will be different…WHY? Because you are under no illusions – it is hard; you will want to give up and you will want to scream; cry and dissolve into the floor.
BUT this is your life..you are worth having it filled with happiness; love and laughter!…..THIS is your time to shine & soar!
I found my wings this year and I deserve to have it all; I LOVE THIS ADVENTURE CALLED LIFE – So are you coming…..are you ready for your breakout year????