Self Love

Discovering the “F” word…..

It is time for the breakout…& I had no idea where I was going, how that would look, or where to start… and between you and me, I have never been so scared in all my life!

THE PAST

So before I start….lets just step backwards into the past 7 days….In the past week “my little voice” has been so overwhelmed/blessed/surprised & humbled with the response to this blog; all of the responses….the positive/negative/undecided…..with what I have shared thus far & with the realisation, that behind it all remains my intention….My Desire is to Inspire.

Sounds corny right???……However not everyone felt that I gave all the facts….all the background…or all the full story.

So let me set the story straight..my story….a story which I am choosing to share and the full story is something that no one will ever know. Only the people that were there and to be honest, that is just their interpretation….that is what stories are….our interpretation of the situation…the circumstances – and the effect that it has on us at the time and if we let it, into our future. 

So I made this promise to myself and now I make it to all of you… My intention is to always be direct & give you my time, my lessons to enable you to take your life to the next level.

For most of the journey this year, I was alone or pretending that I was “fine” so that I could be left alone, this I shared with you…I shared with you that I didn’t recognise myself and something had to change….to make that change…no one else can do that for you…it is going to be hard they said…it is going to be one of the toughest things you have ever done….take responsibility…take responsibility……I learnt that people are always blaming their circumstances for what they don’t have…..and the reality was….so was I.

THE PROCESS….the discovering of the “F” word…..

Stepping back from it all is the only way to gain perspective

Remember the justification being  “I can’t have the life I want….it is not possible…if the past keeps telling the story…why would now be any different?”

What holds us together when things fall apart?? Our faith? Our foundation? Our freedom?

Then I discovered the other F word……forgive……the act of forgiveness. In the journey of transformation….it is part of the foundation, right?

When it comes to forgiveness…do we really know what we are doing?

I didn’t….. so I did a little Social Work research…..Dr Luskin (http://learningtoforgive.com/).. talks about a 9 step process of forgiveness….however I wasn’t sure where to start…at the beginning…..logical….I am 33 years old (that is a lot of years of forgiveness)…mmmmm….and then the answer hit me – like a bus when I was crossing the road and looking the wrong way….me….the process starts with ME.

Oh S**T…..forgive myself for my choices that didn’t work…the choices that did…..forgive myself for falling in love with men who broke my heart…..for not buying the house when I was in my early 20’s…forgive myself for travelling……..forgive myself for not loving me…forgive for not accepting me.

Did you know that research indicates that people who forgive have more energy, better appetite & sleep patterns……………not a bad reason to give it a go…what is there to lose?

THE SHIFT from F to GIVE…

The shift…ok….it was FREAKIN’ HARD!!!! Hard…..Hard….Hard….I had to take myself to a quite space and write down all of the things in my life to forgive…and let me tell you the list was not exactly short….LOL and took a lot longer than i expected!

Forgiveness for myself….then others to forgive….and realising that the biggest factor was that if I didn’t FORGIVE: I would continue to deny myself of my self confidence if I didn’t forgive…its heavy the guilt..and hard to let go; to release; to forgive…however the old saying…”forgive & forget”….didn’t sit with me at all..I had to take this step forward… I had to put this yellow brick down in my road……

So the shift began in the writing of a list…the 1st of many….

  • to forgive myself for not listening to my body;
  • to forgive myself for not listening to my heart;
  • to forgive myself for not listening to my soul for the things I really wanted;
  • To forgive my father for not wanting me….to forgive the men in my past for not fighting for me….to forgive myself for not standing up and fighting for myself.

Forgiveness isn’t about having the other person say “I am sorry” or “I understand” the person/action/meaning – it is about seeing it from the other view point….which could be fear or love or doubt or selfishness…you just don’t know.
The hardest thing………..mmm – hold that thought – 

Does anything remember the book’ “he’s just not that into you”……chapter 7 to be clear (I will wait while you go and get the book or text a friend about it)…………………….

“he’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you”…….hardest thing to hear…..because every man I have ever dated…has married the woman after me…..I have to forgive this – I need to forgive this – in order to love myself and allow someone to really see me and love me – I had to forgive the difference between “Doesn’t want to get married” and “Doesn’t want to get married to me”…………….and forgiving that made me realise that there is a guy out there who is going to want to marry because I am worth it and I am the love of his life…Because I am me.

So the hardest thing to learn in this part of the process was that I realised that I had been waiting for an apology for the hurt…the past….I learnt that you don’t wait for an apology that may never come………..and that was what I have been doing….waiting for an apology that will never come – so I needed to forgive…to apologise to them and me…then I went for a run….and I am not a runner……

WHAT IS NEXT….

Forgiveness is about shifting responsibility to yourself….acknowledge the thoughts and move on…don’t focus on them. Learn to expand your mind…..

Lesson learnt thus far during my transition to transformation……………

1.       Compassion for self

2.       Connection with self

3.       Confidence to be self

4.        Forgive self  and others

5.      Gratitude with appreciation

This is just another brick in my yellow brick road that I am enjoying skipping down….and forgiveness makes it that much more easier; more fun; more abundant.

Now don’t get me wrong….I did the work…it wasn’t easy.. and there were days that I wanted to avoid….be lazy….get angry…upset….and then I looked over my contract to myself & my future…I need to do this everyday….I want to do this everyday….and I am doing the work every single day…..I am forgiving….I am grateful….I am still scared….. however no matter what….My Desire is to Inspire and I can’t do that if I am not doing it with myself.

So I forgive myself….hardest thing to do….and I ask you to do the same….forgive…forgive…forgive…and then giving and receiving are so much more fun 🙂 so what are you waiting for???????????? GO! quotes-lifeclass-forgiveness-jim-beaver-600x411  

Sexy is not a size; every Calorie is not a war; your Body is not a battleground & your Value is not measured by kgs!

“I am beautiful and worthy just as I am; because I am.

3 thoughts on “Discovering the “F” word…..”

  1. Selina, thank you for sharing your story… much of it resonates with me. You’re going to change lives gorgeous xo you have certainly just inspired me!

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